One of my favorite songs is "Dreams"... by The Allman Brothers Band, but oddly enough I like the cover that Molly Hatchet did better...
"Mimi writes" wrote of a dream about her Dad... and it made me think of a dream I had about my Dad... it was a few years after he died... I think those that we love... those that we lose... do come and visit us... check on us... and remind us from time to time that they are doing quite well...
My most vivid dream of my Dad "occurred" in San Francisco... I have this connection to this city that I will write about some time... I had issues with my Dad... things that were resolved just before he died... I loved my Mom so much... and he hurt her... Mom told me about these things... and I know it hurt her to tell me, but she must have felt she could tell me... that I could be trusted with this awful thing...
Anyway...
In the dream, Dad and I are standing on the edge of San Francisco Bay... looking across to the Marin County side... the hills of Marin County in my dream are mountains... huge... majestic... I don't know the symbolism of this... and I am standing beside my Dad... Dad was 90 when he died... Our roles are reversed... in that I am the 'parent' figure... and Dad is the 'child' but we were our respective ages as at his death... when I was a kid, Dad called me "Jimmy"... evidently, so much that we had a parakeet that would sing out "Jimmy" whenever I would come into the room... Mom told me this...
Anyway...
Dad and I are standing there... looking across the Bay... and Dad asks... "Jimmy... can we go over to the other side and look?" And I tell my Dad.. "Sure.. of course we can..."...
And at that moment, I reach down and grab his hand... and I FELT it... I FELT my Dad's hand... my Dad had such a "meaty" hand... it felt unlike any other hand I had ever held... and I was so shocked by that, that I instantly woke up.... and I cried... I wanted to see my Dad... I wanted to talk to him... I wanted to tell him that I loved him... and that I forgave him for what he did to hurt My Mom...I tell Dad all of the time that I forgive him... I'm not sure why I talk to Dad more than I talk to Mom... I was definitely closer to Mom... yet, I talk to Dad... I wonder what connection it has with his Mother that I wrote about back in October...???
I miss my Mom and Dad... they get further away from me each and every day that they are gone... no one knows how much I miss them...
Oh.
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry. I am suffering from a strained relationship with my father (which if you are inclined you can come over and read about it) and I don't speak to my mother (haven't wrote about her yet). I wish things were different.
Thank you for sharing this very human post.
I mentioned that I struggle with relationships... I meant romantic relationships... but in reality, all relationships are difficult... the end result of the death of my Dad is that I have one brother that I no longer talk to... havent talked to him since the day we buried Dad... and a sister that Ive only talked to several times since Dad died... and another sister that stole about $400,000 from the family...
ReplyDeleteAll in all, the relationship I most want is one with a wonderful woman...