I was torn as to whether or not to write a Father's Day post about my Dad... since his birthday was going to be just a few days later, I decided to wait and write a birthday post...
June 23rd...
Today is my Dad's Birthday...
Grandmother Brown, Aunt Winnie, and Dad...
If Dad were still alive, I would have a great deal of difficulty imagining his age...
I know I have posted about having come along late in Mom and Dad's lives... and about how I have a sister old enough to be my Mom...
Dad has been gone 15 years... I still carry a great deal of guilt about how I treated him over some issues... I guess I will regret how I treated him until I die... I hope he has forgiven me...
There's a lot going on now in my Life... according to feedjit, someone from my community is logging on and readying my blog... so I feel a little inhibited to write about some things now...
Mom and Dad had six children (two litters) and it appears that it is just a matter of time before the 'children' begin to die...
So it goes, huh?
I expressed myself rather well, I think, when I wrote about Dad Here back in February...
There's a new set of stressors that have arisen... and I just don't feel that I can write about them now...
My hives have returned...
A younger Dad...
I love you...
I miss you...
~shoes~
Awww. This was a really sweet and lovely post.
ReplyDeleteI actually thought Father's Day was two weeks ago so I gave my dad his present then.
....yeah, epic FAIL.
As for my dad, well, we can be like a family right out of a Disney movie when he isn't pissed at me for not being religious enough. Apparently, I'm a pile of "nonsense" because I don't enjoy nightly prayers and stuff.
But I can't deny that he did a good job raising me up when my mom died.
I'm hugging you across the ocean. Sarah xxx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. I've been feeling some of the same emotions....
ReplyDeleteThe Eskimos believe that perhaps stars are not stars, but openings in heaven where the love of our family and friends that have gone before us pours through and shines down on us... letting us know that they are happy, watching us and loving us.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of your love for your Dad - and his love for you.
I hope you get to feeling better...
xoxoxo
robelyn
He has forgiven you I am sure :)
ReplyDeleteGood men cry when they need to. Being a father yourself, you must know that forgiving one's children is the easiest thing in the world.
ReplyDeleteA couple shots of tequila usually will help with hives.
Beautiful post. My Dad's been gone 14 years and I too still feel guilt that will probably always be there. Just part of life I guess. As long as we have more good memories than bad we're doing good my friend!!
ReplyDeletei barely remember my Dad as he died when I was a child....but I suspect forgiving was a mute point with your father, i doubt he ever saw anything to forgive you for....
ReplyDeleteThat's hogwash...men not crying. Tears are a valve of release...mourning (which never ends) regrets (which cannot be undone after death). And so we fumble on, unsure if our memory is serving us correctly, unsure if we are forgiven. As a parent, I assure you...his love and forgiveness are energies in the world. They have been released, along with your tears. So sorry Professor Shoes, about all the stress. You have my ear if ever you need it.
ReplyDelete~Annie
I'll betcha if there is a heaven or hell [or even Lmbo] that your Dad has forgiven you. NOW forgive yourself!
ReplyDeleteTouching post...
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of guilt around my father also, but you know, it's done and I know I wouldn't want my son wasting his time being guilty about things he's done to me.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a nice tender post.
I think it would totally freak me out if someone where I live showed up reading my blog. It's funny but I like to keep my worlds separate and don't want these walking gossiping fools to know what I say about myself.
a loving tribute to a complex relationship.
ReplyDeletevery heartfelt. they live on in our hearts and in our minds. I wonder if we realize the same will happen with our children?
ReplyDeletegodspeed...
C
Lovely tribute. Wine and words almost took the words right out of my mouth: "Tears are a valve of release...mourning."
ReplyDeleteI lost my mom a few years ago and the pain of losing her is still with me. It's hard especially around the holidays, birthday and other significant dates. I've blogged several posts about my mom and at times I have found it to be therapeutic.
Remember a parent's love for their child is unconditional and I believe too he has forgiven you and is watching over you. Regardless of ones age, its never easy for a son/daughter to lose their parent. My heart and thoughts are with you.
P.S. I love the comment left by red.neck chic
I lost my father almost 9 years ago. He is in my thoughts every day. I understand your words completely as I could have written this post myself. The past is the past and he will always be with you. xo
ReplyDeletegood job...
ReplyDeleteI kept this post unread because I wanted to say SOMETHING but wasn't sure what to say.
ReplyDeleteI think Charlene has it right.
Forgive yourself.
Thank you all for your kind words... I'm not sure why I still struggle so with this issue... other than I just regret deeply how I treated him...
ReplyDeleteHe didn't deserve it...
~shoes~