"Heads Or Tails..."

Hmmm'kay...


Serious post or a bullsnizzle post...???

Let me flip a coin...

Sorry... you are all fukt!!! 

This is just down right bizarre... I mean... How in the ding-dong Hell does she do this?!?!?!?!


And then there is this one... I think it's really funny...

Would you do this? Could you do this?? I talked with someone tonight about playing a scene out like this in a bar... I would go to the bar... sit with some people... start up a conversation... and just have her come by and lay the keys in front of me...  I think that would be funny as Hell!!!


This is  not 'In Season,' but it's still funny... I am SURE that some of us could easily have something like this play out in our homes...

Now... I don't own anything like any of this... but wouldn't mind knowing someone who does...


And then this one... I posted it a while back, but I'm not sure anyone saw it... so I am going to try it again...

It had me fooled the very first time I ever saw it...

It's been pointed out to me... that I seem to be all over the place here with my posts... did some silly ones... and then the really serious  one where I was tagged by Robin...

I had the Hell scared out of me at work this morning... we received our contracts for the current academic year back in July... even though none were 'terminal' contracts... meaning that they would not be renewed next academic year, we've been told that we could receive a letter as late as September 1st informing us of our not being rehired...

When I got to work this morning, there was a letter in my mail slot from the Provost here at Alluvial Flood Plain State University... and I just  had my breath stolen from me...

But I thought, if this is it... then it's it... nothing I could do about it... so I opened the letter... and it was a request to serve on a committee this year... God YES I will serve on that committee... I will wash and wax her auto for her... I was so relieved...

Of course, I could get this letter tomorrow...  Whatever happens will happen...

... and I think I am O.K. with that...

But... maybe this is an example of a post where I am hiding behind humor...

~gulp~

~shoes~

"Questions From Robin..."

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon here in the Mississippi Delta... finally... after such a LONG period, where our temperature lows were around 88F at night, this wonderful rain has the temperature at 73F here at 12.45PM on this Sunday.


It seems that lately, I've been posting some nonsensical bull shiznit... what better to break me out of that mold but a series of questions posed by Robin over at Your Daily Dose...


Let's get started...


1. We all dance with the seven sins from time to time. Which of the seven sins do you dance with most frequently, and why? They are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.


Well... definitely not wrath.  I'm not sure I've ever have been an angry person. Envy? I sure get jealous when I see someone with a guitar that I desire and covet!! But not really... if I can't get by with all of the ones I have, then I need help.  Maybe at one time, I maybe have dealt with envy, but after the Great Train Wreck of 1996... that bled over a bit into 1997, Life has been good.... really good.


Lust? What's so bad about having some Lust in one's Life?  After the Great Train Wreck, I think I hid myself away from anything having to do with women and sex... maybe I did too good of a job in shutting myself down.  I think in that time, I became afraid of women and relationships... of sex... of Lust and Passion... I didn't want to take chances with my feelings, my emotions, my heart. I didn't want to hurt again because I had become unsure about Love... even cynical.  Of course, nothing lasts forever... does it?  


I do have to admit that someone has allowed me to experience great emotional upswings here lately... I am hopeful.


2. If you could live for a week in the body of someone famous, who would it be? You would still be you, but you could access their need to know info as you needed to know it. Of course, the kicker is that they would live in your body and have the same privileges.


Nothing great, exotic, or erotic here... I would love to be Sir Paul McCartney for a week... so I could take advantage of ALL of the knowledge he has amassed over his Lifetime about bass guitar and music.  He has GOT to be the most melodic bass player I've ever heard... and his genius for creating bass lines as they relate to musical keys of songs is, in my opinion, unsurpassed.


In return, he gets to be me for a week.  He would learn how much some people in my Life really mean to me.  He would learn how much I love my job and what the students mean to me.  He would probably be bored to tears!


3. Do you believe that angels walk among us? That there are true psychics, mediums, or anyone who is more connected to God than the average person?


Yes, I do... but then again, I'm strange that way. I also believe in Soul Mates...  Somewhere towards the end of the time that was my Great Train Wreck, when I was moments away from taking my own Life, I am convinced my Dad returned to save me... to stop me.


I do believe there are true psychics, mediums, etc., but I'm not necessarily sure that they are connected to God as much as to some power.  I am reminded of a story my daughter told me about the time that she and her Mom went to visit this local person who is said to have these great powers.  She and I have two children from our marriage.  During the reading, my daughter told me that this woman stopped turning Tarot cards, backed away, and looked at her Mom and made a comment along the lines of, 'You told me you have two children... I see three.'  My daughter said that her Mom explained that discrepancy due to a miscarriage...  I guess her Mom forgot it was an abortion. *shrugs*


4) Have you ever dreamt about a future event that happened, a past event that happened when you were but a very young child, or anything that was just so real, but otherworldly, that you felt its truth in your soul? If so, I'm listening.


I'm not aware of anything I have dreamt about, but I will admit to experiencing feelings of 'deja vu.'  I DO have this vivid memory of being at Mount Rushmore as a young boy.  It's the MOST vivid memory. I can still feel the chill in the morning sky... how blue that sky was... Mom said we never went... so I don't know if this could have been such a dream that you speak of, or if it's a past Life experience.  It is real to me... so real.


5) Do you feel like you have a gift that you aren't using? It could be for anything. Design, writing, art, photography, decoration. The list is endless.


Yes.  When I first started college, I was an art major.  I made as much of a change as one could make when I changed my major from art to business... however, if any of you  are business people, you can appreciate how much creativity is needed in business... so maybe I didn't make THAT much of a quantum leap.  As a business prof, I have discovered that my teaching styles are almost polar opposite from most of my colleagues.  


I do want to start painting again... I do want to tinker with photography...


6) Is there someone that you are unwilling to forgive? Is it weighing on your heart? Eating you up on the inside? This is a yes or no. If it is yes, I hope you make the choice today to want to forgive and then let it go. Throw out your desire into the universe.


Is there someone I am unwilling to forgive? Yes. Does it weigh on my heart? No... not really... I lose no sleep over it.  I have no desire to forgive this person.  I have dismissed his relevance to me... his relevance in my Life has been reduced to less than zero...


Having said this, I DID forgive the sister who totally fucked us over when Dad died... who stole over $400,000 from Dad's estate... I forgave her, but I haven't forgotten.


We can't forget those kinds of things... if we do, we open ourselves up to have it happen again.


7) If we were able to take away or add one element into the heart of each and every man, which one would be the one that would make the most difference in making this world a better place to live?


I think the one element that we are missing from Humanity on a grand scale today is 'Respect...'  Respect for ourselves... Respect for others... Respect for our Country... Respect for our Religions, whatever they may be...


The world has become too mean... too hateful... I don't understand it...


8) What is the last movie you saw at the movie theatre? Using the five star system, how would you rate it?


I saw 'Eat, Love, Pray...'  I'm not sure I have the order right, but it's close enough.
On a Five Star system, I would give the movie about 2 1/2 stars... maybe 3... The company I had at the movie warrants 5 Stars... but I could be biased.  


I've done as much soul searching... as much of a review of my psyche as she did without taking off from work for a year and going around the world.  Maybe she needed to visit Italy, India, and Bali...  Give me the Grand Canyon... Bryce Canyon... Monument Valley... and I can accomplish what I need to.  


Maybe this better explains my trip out West at the beginning of this month, and how... hmmm... disappointed I was in that I didn't get to the geographic place or places I needed to reach.


Life requires that we do an inventory of ourselves... an ongoing one.  I think so many people that feel so lost... so many who wait for someone else to tell them their Fate, their Destiny, lack this ability to take care of themselves... if that makes any sense.

___________

Now... I want to go back and answer a few of the questions that Robin answered...


1. What item of yours has the most sentimental value, and why?


I have two items.  After my sister fucked us over by taking everything...  EVERYTHING that connected most of us to our Mom and Dad... the house she also stole from us suffered fire damage after a severe thunderstorm passed through this area.  One of my brothers called me at 2.30AM that morning and asked me to come help get things out of the house.


... and I did.  I got this ceramic mixing bowl that I so associate with my Mom and Dad... it was probably worth a dollar or so.  And I also got the glass lemon juicer that my Mom used to make lemonade for us when we were little.  I value these two things as much as I value Life itself.  I've already told my kids, that when I die, all I care about in my house are these two items.  They know where they are... they know what they look like.  I  have begged them to make sure that nothing happens to either of those things.


2. What is the best compliment you've ever received?


This is easy.  It's when a former student tells me that I made a difference in his or her Life... when they tell me that I was there for them when they needed someone.

____________

I will ask you... those of you who read this... to answer the same questions... please...

Pretty please...

Pretty please with sugar on it...

~shoes~

"Signs, Signs, Ev'ry where Signs..."

Howdy folks... what a day today was... busy... hectic... shiznit like that...  Stupid shiznit happening that is just down right difficult to process.


More nonsensical photos here... I guess since it appears I am going to have plenty of time here to screw off, I need to be going ahead and practicing... you know??

Mostly, they are about signs...

So here goes nothing...

This really isn't a sign... but... what if FedEx and UPS got into a fight...

Who would win???

I think we know now!!!

My buddy, Liam Larry, spends way too much time reading trivia shiznit, where I spend too much time blogging... but Liam Larry was SO excited when he read about the FedEx logo and the arrow that is in it... can you see it???

Here... let me help you...

There... does THAT help???

This has to be an example of 'Dot' Indian (not feather Indian) wiring...

Have you ever seen those fuckers drive???

'nough said...

Somebody that is raising Hell about Gambling, needs to worry about learning how to spell...

Or is that 'spel?'

The person who painted this sign must have 

attended the school in the above photo...

Just sayin'...

I guess it's better to have been a 'Dumfart'

than a 'Dumfuck'...

Hmmmm... 

College or Weed...

College or Weed...

College or Weed....

Yeah... now... to get to College, you go down here and take a right at Hwy 202...

You can't miss it...

I promise...

This place sounds like the perfect place to buy wedding gear for a red neck wedding...

Hmmm...

Red.Neck.Chic...

Here's a new marketing gimmick for you!!!

___________________

On a very serious note, I have been asked to speak at a Memorial Service that has been planned for my friend, Robert... who died back in July...  I posted about the death of Robert HERE.  I miss him so... he was such a great part of this place. 

I miss you, Buddy!!!!!!!!

~shoes~

"Masturbation..."

Ahem...  now that I have your attention...
I never really know where my next inspiration is going to arise...
Damn... that sounds masturbatory in its own right...
For some reason, I got to thinking about the different names that men use for masturbation.
For your self-gratification I offer...


'Adjusting the sundial...'     'back stroke roulette...'   'beating the bishop...'  'bopping the bologna...'   'blowing your load...'   'buffing the banana...'   'burp the worm...'  'choking Kojak...'

Touch yourself HERE for this video that couldn't be embedded...

I don't want anybody else,
And when I think about you I touch myself.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, aah.

'Chroming the dome...'   'churning the foreskin butter...'    'choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come...'   'cranking the two-stroke engine...'cuffing the carrot...' 'draining the monster...'   'fishing for zipper trout...'  'fisting your mister...'fondling the fig...'  'frosting the pastries...'

'going blind...'    'grabbing the gorilla...'   'hammering the love steak...'  'hitch-hiking to heaven...'   'holding the sausage hostage...'   'jamming with Elvis...'  'making glue...'  'shaking hands with Shorty...'  'milking the one-eyed Willy...'

Down in the pleasure centers,

Hell bent of heaven sent,

Listen to the propaganda,

Listen to the latest slander,

There's nothing underhand,

That she wouldn't understand...

Pump it up until you can feel it.

Pump it up when you don't really need it.

~Elvis Costello~

Of course, I would be SO sexist if I ignored the ladies... 

'A night with the girls...'   'brushing the beaver...'   'creamin'...'   'dialing the rotary phone...'   'fiddling the bean...'   'finger painting...'   'gagging the clam...'   'hitch-hiking south...'    'muffin buffin'...'    'paddling the pink canoe...'   'tickling the little man in the boat...'

I may be turning Japanese, but you will have to click HERE to see this video...

I've got your picture, I've got your picture,

I'd like a million of you all around my cell.

I want a doctor to take your picture,

So I can look at you from inside as well.

You've got me turning up and turning down,

and turning in and turning 'round,

I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese.

~shoes~

"WTF - Restaurant Names..."

I would imagine... that when one is interested in opening a restaurant, that a great deal of planning MUST go into developing a theme for the restaurant and in selecting a most appropriate name...  However...

What were they thinking?!?!?!? I KNOW what a vagina is... however, a tandoori is a clay, cylindrical oven used to cook meat... (no pun intended I don't think)... Hmmm...


Imagine THAT as a 'pick up' line.. "hey baby... let me cook my meat in yer tandoori..."

Hmmm... maybe this is where one goes when told to go eat shiznit... you think??  At least it's not named 'My Dong'...

This one doesn't need that much explanation... no?

Rong PhuK? Well Phuk Rhu Din...

Hmmm... one should be worried about the tinkling of glasses, I'm thinking...

Young Dong... not to be confused with Old Dong...

I guess service at the Old Dong would take longer???

Dirty Dicks?!?!?

I was sure that there was treatment for this!!!!!

Hmmm...

Scatological Cuisine??

Peanuts or corn anyone???

TP...

TP for my Bung Hole...

Cornholio...

Cornholio...

It's difficult to beat a Happy Crack...

Just sayin'...

____________

Disclaimer:  As Far as I am aware, No Hurt or Anger was hidden behind this humor

~shoes~

"OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK... What REALLY Happened!!!..."

I have posted before about how my counselor had commented on her idea that I hid a great deal of hurt behind my humor...


The last post is a classic example...


I've commented about how Alluvial Flood Plain State University has marked my major for elimination... I waxed and waned... and contrary to what you may think, this is NOT about me...


A colleague asked me this afternoon if I had seen the posters in the hallway about our division's Back-To0School Picnic and Cookout...  I told him I had not... he told me that I needed to go look at it... and come back and give him my opinion...


I went and read it... the poster invited all of the Accounting majors, CIS majors, and Finance majors to this get-together... evidently, neither my major nor my students are invited...


I've grown accustomed to be rejected and all that stuff... my students shouldn't be treated this way...


My knee jerk reaction was to try to do something funny... and I used a compilation of 'humor' emails...

But, in reality, I'm angry about this...

Don't slight my kids and their major...

I'm raising some MAJOR Hell tomorrow...  I'm pissed!!!!!!!!

Over? Is it over??

Is It OVER?!?!?!?!

And now this...

~shoes~

"E-Mail Stuff and Other Shiznit..."

GrandPa...

A small boy got lost at a shoppng mall...

He approached a security guard and said,

"I've lost my GrandPa..."

The guard asked, 

"What's his name?"

The little boy replied,

"Grandpa..."

The guard smiled... and then asked...

"What's he like??"

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then answered...

"Jack Daniels Whiskey and women with big tits..."

_____________

I just heard a news report on the radio that effective today, August, 23, 2010, that the divorce between Tiger Woods and Elin Woods has been finalized.  It is reported that she may receive somewhere in the neighborhood of $100 Million...

I have some advice for Tiger...

Tiger... when you see a woman... and you know how badly you want her...

Please consider the following...

No Matter HOW beautiful she is...

No matter HOW sexy she is...

No Matter HOW seductive she is...

No matter HOW much you want her...

....

.... Hmmm...

I forgot where I was going with this...

______________

O.K... contest time...

Here's the photo...

Now... YOU have to guess the Nationality...

American?

Swiss??

Spanish???

French????

Brazilian?????

Italian??????

Nope... 

Polish...

~shoes~