Red Shoe's Chronicles: "The Blue Grumpster..."

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

"The Blue Grumpster..."

The Blue Grumpster , who I had known for some time as RCB, is someone whose blog I ran across some time ago... I can't remember if he found my blog, or I his... and it really doesn't matter... but it shows what kind of connections can be made through blogging and the internet. The primary things that he and I have in common is that we are both professors, we greatly enjoy music, and I think we have a great affinity for Life.

Grumpster is from the Netherlands... and I've been fortunate enough to have opportunities to travel to that part of the world... I wish the opportunity would have existed to have had the chance to visit with him.

I've been doing some work on my family tree/heritage... and on my Dad's side of the family, we have family that originated in and around Amsterdam and Rotterdam. One family member left Amsterdam in the early 1600s bound for New Amsterdam... which would eventually become New York City... I think when one travels, and/or starts to learn about his family heritage... and that we come from places across the world, the world seems to get smaller.

As a recipient of the Lovely Blue Blogger Award, I am asked to write about what moves me...

What moves me...???

I enjoy music... I have been hooked on music and guitars ever since I was a pair of red kid's shoes and I first saw the BeaTles on the Ed Sullivan Show WAY back in the dark ages...

I've always been driven to do the best that I could... at anything and everything I try to do. Now, have I always been successful at that? Obviously not... and I try to not get too bogged down by those things that haven't/didn't succeed.

I worry that maybe I have failed as a Father... my children have both taken paths that I would rather they not have... should I have been more forceful, and exerted direction for them? Or is it better that I have let them find their ways on their own... for themselves??

On yet another tangent, I worry that I didn't show my parents the respect that they deserved... they are gone now, but I find myself trying to do things, excel at things, that, if they were still alive, might make them proud of me.

Workwise, this past year was one of the most satisfying years I've ever experienced. I received the teaching award at the university... I had opportunities to travel to Germany, The Netherlands, and to Belgium.. I gave the commencement address at the December graduation... and I would wonder/worry...

"Would Mom and Dad be proud of me?"

"Would they think that I was successful?"

And yet, I also wonder... does this even matter?

Grumpster wrote that at times, I seem to"have the weight of the entire world on my shoulders..." Is there something that I feel I have to prove to myself? To others??

I've been told that I worry too much...

that is probably true...

Oh well...

I want to travel more... I would love to have the opportunity to go back to Germany and The Netherlands... and try to find out information about my family members that still must be there... and to learn about the histories of those that I have discovered in my efforts.

The Florida Keys are calling me... I had planned to try to travel some over Spring Break, but I got sick a while back... a cold.. that turned to flu... that went to pneumonia... and then I lost my voice. I've been without a viable voice now for about three stupid weeks... I see my ENT again tomorrow. I'm ready to resolve this mess.

I also want/need to get back out to the American South West...

I would also like to dedicate one trip out West to catch up with Route 66 somewhere around Oklahoma City... follow it westward... and photograph some of the great old sites that still remain...

All in all, though, Life is great... I'm thinking that had I not felt so bad for as long as I have, this post might be more up beat, but it is what it is...

Thank you, Grumpster... you are a good man despite what all everyone says about you...

~shoes~

40 comments:

RobinMarch 20, 2013 at 4:03 PM
I think that you do your best. That is all that your parent would care about. I do believe that they are both very proud of you. All you can do is the best that you can with the information that you have in any given situation, and that includes your children. Did you raise them the best that you knew at the time? If the answer to that is yes, then what else could you do? Nothing. They are grown-ups. They are responsible for their own choices, just as you are for yours. You have to allow them to make their mistakes. As people, this is how we learn. Don't doubt yourself. You are awesome!!!
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Kalei's Best FriendMarch 20, 2013 at 5:39 PM
You are hard on yourself- you say u think you failed as a parent... because of the choices your kids took... I have learned that we can give advice till we're blue and still, its up to that person we are advising who makes the ultimate choice... I have learned not to take it personal. After all we're all human... and I think that there are times when our kids have to make their mistakes in order to realize that what we have tried to tell them was right... Even tho it may take years for them to realize it... Mine have told me that they appreciate the advice but they want to make that ultimate choice... I feel bad that you think you didn't respect your parents enough... at the time, the circumstances were different.. We all can look back and think we could have been different/did things differently... What I have learned w/the help of my grief therapist that humans are imperfect and what we do or say at times is illogical because we're dealing w/human nature.
Look at the results of what you have accomplished because u think you may have failed your loved ones? I think your parents would of been proud... and do u think that had you been the perfect son/father, you would have accomplished those things you listed above?
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dixiebelleMarch 20, 2013 at 6:30 PM
It only matters if it matters to you, Shoes! Let go of the worry though as it only makes one grow older faster. Life is short. Live in the moment.

Travel is good for the soul and the world is very, very small! Steven and I passed by the Blue Swallow motel in Tucumcari, NM last November on our grand adventure across the country by car =)

You have to let your kids be who they are and just love them. They have their own paths to walk and their own shoes to wear =)

Sorry you've been sick. The crud has been rampant here and I find it tends to make me more melancholy and retrospective when I feel like crap. Hope your voice is mending and you feel better soon.
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musicwithinyouMarch 20, 2013 at 6:36 PM
Until I meet you face to face and we are finally having that drink we both discussed, you are no doubt a very sweet hearted person.

I didn't realize you was still having issues with your voice. Crap, I hope you get it back soon.
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YvonneMarch 20, 2013 at 9:11 PM
Great list! I would fare to believe that your parents ARE proud of you and know what's in your heart, and that should bring some sort of comfort to you. At least, that's how I would think, if I was in your shoes. The Beatles still rock, after all these years. Sometimes I wish I could have lived during that era, as an adult/adolescent, to experience them up close and personal.
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AmiMarch 21, 2013 at 8:01 AM
All of us, unless we're missing an important part in our heads, do the best we can. It's hard wired. Once your child(ren) is past the age of, oh, 12, we cease to be the primary influence on their lives. They are responsible for making their own decisions, and they WILL make stupid ones on occasion. You are not to blame for that. You're also not the only person who has influenced your children. The world is full of, well, other people.

As for the voice. I lost mine for seven weeks after a mild upper respiratory infection. My doctor even prescribed a course of steroids, thinking that perhaps the coughing and other lovely stuff had caused my vocal cords to be inflamed.

Finally went to an ENT guy, where I was subjected to the nose cam. My vocal cords WERE inflamed, but not from the infection I'd had. It was reflux. I didn't know I was being burned because the heartburn medication worked enough to keep it from being painful, but evidently every time I laid down, the acid was washing up into my throat.

Have I gone on long enough yet? I'm supposed to be on the road RIGHT NOW to work.

Hang in there. And say it with me... 'we all just do the best we can'.

My own creed... Try not to be an asshole.
That's it. Covers everything I can think of.
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Miss Stormy "Gumshoe" MarplesMarch 21, 2013 at 8:14 AM
That color is one of my most favorite the "bluish-purple" of the Blue Grumpster blog award.

Personally, from what I've read u have three areas of ur life to be proud of--

1. As a father
2. As a son/brother
3. As a professor

Life is a journey of a work-in-progress. We are not expected to be perfect just striving all our lives to be better and compassionate people.

Since u are thinking about this always, it means u r always working on urself as I am too.

I hope u do make it to all ur spiritual uplifting destinations. They all sound wonderful. Key West, Utah, and Route 66.

Traveling is uplifting. I daydream about the places I want to visit too. I believe I will see them all within my lifetime.

Have a blessed Thursday!!!
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Cocaine PrincessMarch 21, 2013 at 11:08 PM
I totally agree with this "connections can be made through blogging and the internet."

Music is one of the things that moves me too. It can lift ones' spirit in so many ways and to quote Victor Hugo: "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” and not to mention the memories & emotions it can bring back esp. when it's a song you haven't heard in ages. It's because of my mom I'm a huge Duran Duran fan. I was hooked when I saw their video "Hungry Like The Wolf."

Don't get too bogged down about the things you didn't succeed in. Be proud that you tried.

From what I've gotten to know about you through your writing you're a good person with a good soul. And because you're a teacher I know you're patient, nurturing & understanding Given all those qualities what parent wouldn't be proud of that?

Travel is such a rewarding experience. The Florida Keys sound awesome. As many times as I've been to the Sunshine State I've yet to see the Keys. Always wanted to visit Hemingway's home & watch the sunset there. I'll get there when the time is right.

Sending out good vibes to you and your health. And last but not least, congrats on your award. Well deserved!
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BathwaterMarch 22, 2013 at 11:47 AM
How cute, a blue baller award. Sounds painful.
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Cocaine PrincessMarch 22, 2013 at 1:51 PM
RE: Now, having said that, I expect female readers to laugh!!

-You got that right!
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JJMarch 22, 2013 at 7:16 PM
Shoes: We really have to meet. If you go to the Keys, call me. We will meet you in a heartbeat (and hold on to your socks). As for the Dutch, I have met the Highland Dutch, and the Lowland Dutch, and the Rotterdam Dutch, and the God Damn Dutch. Just call or e-mail!
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Introverted ArtMarch 22, 2013 at 8:47 PM
music and traveling are some of the things that move me the most. I love going to new places, new cultures... I want to go to Peru, Chile and Argentina... next year we are going to Ireland and England. :)
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AnonymousMarch 24, 2013 at 5:31 AM
Timing is everything... reading this post at this particular time for me really hit a nerve..

The whole 'being a disappointment to one's parents' has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.. my parents wouldn't like me to be a stripper yet here I am undressing for tips - but I am happy!

Your kids should never do what you intend for them to do, it's unnatural! All the people I've ever met who only do things to please their parents are unhappy in one way or another.
The fact that your kids have chosen different paths shows that they are individuals who can think for themselves - and that shows that you've done a remarkable job as a parent!

Great post!
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Red ShoesMarch 24, 2013 at 7:55 AM
Good morning, O, from my part of the world... :o)

I guess what I worry about from the standpoint of my kids is their very bad mismanagement of money.

My daughter seems to make a lot of money working as a bartender in New Orleans, but she and her husband seem to save NONE!

She makes very bad money choices...

Recently, she experienced some health issues, and without health insurance, she didn't have the money she needed for her prescriptions...
yet, she and her husband had money for court-side seats at a New Orleans Hornets basketball game.

My son isn't any better. I want them to be fiscally responsible for themselves... That's really all I want.

I also wish that they didn't drink so much... :o(

Otherwise, I'm at peace with them...

I hope all is well with you!!

~shoes~
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Wine and WordsMarch 25, 2013 at 5:28 PM
Children make their own way, with or without direction. We can fail them on either end, and a finger point at a parent is easier than a finger point at self. But in the end, we are responsible for our own choices, happiness, or misery. As our children age, direction is most impact-full when it is asked for. You seem like an open and loving parent. No doubt the time will come when the tide turns again.

((Hugs))
Kick that nasty illness to the CURB!
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LinnnnMay 6, 2013 at 1:14 PM
"Would Mom and Dad be proud of me?"

Absolutely! You have done great things with your career, have been awarded honors,have a huge following of students and intellectuals, you know music, you write...It's a slam dunk that they are with you and over the moon.

"Would they think that I was successful?"

Without a doubt!

"And yet, I also wonder... does this even matter?"

It does matter, greatly!

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Red ShoesMay 6, 2013 at 1:24 PM
Hi there, Linnnnnnn...

I'm not sure why this stays with me so...

Maybe it all signifies a great insecurity on my part... who knows?

Not me...

~shoes~
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