Damn... Did Larry really just say that?
Oh no he di'nt...
Did he??
Oh yes he did...
Idiot...
Larry is prone to this kind of crap... no pun intended... He looks and acts like Liam Neeson on downers... and he seems to save up all of his testosterone for one 10-minute blow-out... he will have these spells where he will yell... and cuss... and scream... and it lasts about 10 minutes... and then he goes back to his version of 'normal'...
God, I SO love REM!!!!
After Jerry and I recovered from this... we went on with our discussion and wound up talking about religion...
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know... Mom always said, 'Shoes... NEVER discuss religion or politics with anyone...' Yeah, I know... and given that I am involved, it can't ever remain a serious discussion for too long...
Maybe at one time in my Life, I professed to be 'religious,' but over the years, I have come to view myself as being more 'spiritual...' I would probably be hard pressed to give a good definition of either, but I guess I prefer to not get all tripped on the intricacies and differences of being Catholic vs Protestant vs Hindu vs "List Your Religious Affiliation Here."
This has freaked some of my family members out in the past...
I was raised 'Methodist' by Mom and Dad... but by no means were they hard-core religious fanatics/zealots/practitioners... and because of that, I think I drifted into the realm of being a 'Reprobate Methodist'... The shoe fits well as long as I don't take myself too seriously...
I've heard some funny religious jokes... kinda like...
'Baptists don't have sex while they are standing because it looks too much like dancing...'
or...
God is worn out... and he is talking about this with St. Peter... "You know... I need a vacation... do you have any ideas on where I should go?"
St. Peter thinks... and then says... 'How about Jupiter?? It's nice and warm there this time of year...'
God shakes his head and says... "no... too much gravity there... and you know how that hurts my back"...
Hmmm... says St. Peter while reflecting... 'well.. what about Mercury?'
"No way" mutters God... "its way too hot there for me this time of year..."
"I've got it!" St. Peter says as his face lights up..."Why don't you go down to Earth for your vacation?"
God replies..."I don't think so... I went down there about 2,000 years ago... had an affair with a nice Jewish girl... and they are STILL talking about it!!"
or...
A minister tells his congregation, "next week, I am going to preach about the sin of lying... and that I want you to all read Mark 17..."
The following Sunday, the minister asks for a show of hands as to who all read Mark 17... and every hand in the congregation went up...
The minister smiles and says..."Mark only has 16 chapters... I will now precede with my sermon on the sin of lying..."
My brother married this woman... and he joined her chuch... a Baptist church... and he liked it... he really did... and one day he is telling me that I need to come to hear a speaker that they are going to have this one night...
I asked my brother for info about this fellow... and he tells me.. 'He used to be a Catholic... but now he's saved...'
I dunno... the God I know is has a sense of humor... and is a benevolent power... I remember when I was a kid.. that if you did this, God was going to strike you down... or something else equally horrible...
I am planning another trip out to Monument Valley...
This is where I feel the closest to God...
This is where I become rejuvenated...
... and I so need to be rejuvenated...
~shoes~
Shoes, I know how I can make you feel closer to God. ;-)
ReplyDeleteGosh this was a funny post to read while waiting for boarding!! xoxo
Great post, Shoes. Love the God's affair with the Nice Jewish Girl.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with religion crammed down my throat. I played the part, but never believed any of it. Was so nice to acknowledge that as an adult.
Religion should be a personal thing, when ever it becomes organized it becomes diluted.
ReplyDeleteI'm stealing your song, it has the perfect lyrics to elude to what I want to say but can. Still the intended person will understand.
I wish I had friends like your friend Larry. Maybe I don't live far south enough?
ReplyDeleteTo answer the underlying question, YES. I'VE TAKEN A DUMP THAT BIG.
ReplyDeleteHaha ! Hef beat me to it !
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, I have taken a dump THAT big. Like this morning, for example at the office. It was quite the relief. Let's just say that I paid back all the bitches before me that have subjected me to their horrid bathroom escapades.
Love that song....and REM ...and I feel the same way..Ill even go further and say that I feel that religion takes us further away from God....The jokes are excellent..I almost guessed the one about the 17th verse..now that's the kind of church that I remember
ReplyDelete@ Spring Flower... hmmm... do you care to elaborate??? ;-)Are you by any chance referring to the 'Religious Orgasm?'
ReplyDelete@ Jessica... I agree with having it crammed down one's throat... hmmm... that sounds rather 'oral'... but seriously, I think we each end up with what is comfortable and comforting to each of us... much like what Bathwater says down there...
@ Bathwater... you are exactly right about religion being a personal thing... I hope the intended person DOES understand... I really do...
@ Charlene... I can crate him and mail him to you? Punch air holes in the side of the box so he doesn't suffocate...
@ Heff... I bet you CAN!!!!!!!! ;-)
@ Senorita... now that surprises me that YOU would admit such a thing!! I remember stories that my Mom used to tell me about some events with my diapers... hmmmm...
@ smArtee... I LOVE REM... I had met Mike Mills and Peter Buck when I lived in Athens, GA... I also agree with the more organized religion gets... the further it gets away from us... that's why I like the 'Outdoors' so much... Thank you for stopping by!!!!
~shoes~
you seriously wear your chucks with suits? oh shoes... you really are only a small step away from the nets, huh? ;)
ReplyDeletethose pics on monument valley are gorgeous!
@ Jaime... Yep... I do... some suits, My Red ones look just right... but for some reason, a grey pinstripe just screams for black Chuck Taylors...
ReplyDeleteYeah... Monument Valley is unreal... I'm going back... I've got to...
Hope your day is a good one... :o)
~shoes~