That is what my daughter says about the holiday season... My son and daughter have a dysfunctional Mom... I guess that means I married a dysfunctional woman... I don't think she was when we married... I guess she "evolved"...
My daughter is married and lives in New Orleans... she's been married a bit over a year... she worked Wednesday... got off work, and then she and her husband drove up to visit... they didn't get into town until about 1:30 AM... I was long asleep by then...
Anyway... the whole purpose of this brief rant is that she made very little effort to see me on Thanksgiving... or the day after when they had to leave to go back home... this means that Dysfunctional Mom got all of the visit time...
She offered me about an hour of visit time on Thanksgiving Night at about 10:30PM... which I declined... to me, getting the last hour and a half of a day is kind of like getting the dregs of anything...
She didn't get up until after noon on Thanksgiving... but I think if I had wanted to see my Dad, and I knew I might be occupied otherwise the rest of the day, I would have made some concession... you know? She did say something about maybe going to lunch before they left the next day...
However, by 12:30PM on Friday, I hadnt heard from her... so I went to lunch with my son... she "texted" me... told me she could come by to see me... I didnt reply...
She didnt call me... didnt make any real effort to see me over the short trip she was in town... and I get text messages and offers for "odd-and-end" moments of the days...
I didn't cry, so I don't think the Holidays have officially started for me... but it sure broke my heart...
Dad...
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Om my that is a sad story. I was sad reading it. I'll follow you for that!
ReplyDeleteAmd thanks for visiting Secret Story Time!
Secretia
I think perhaps your ex-wife created your daughter. It is hard for a father to have a close relationship with his children after a divorce. Keep working at it. You suggest a time next visit and explain when and why you are available.
ReplyDeleteSecretia... you are very welcome.. thank you for your kind words.
ReplyDeleteBathwater: Yeah.. you are right... I thought we had a stronger relationship... I try to keep dysfunction at a minimum in my Life... whereas my ex and my daughter seem to thrive on chaos... Thank you for your thoughts.
Next time she speaks in generalities about getting together, ask her for a specific place and time. It then becomes a committment and gives both of you something to look forward to. If she breaks the date, you will have at least done your best to heal the situation.
ReplyDeleteHi Catch Her... we normally do plan more specifically... there were some extenuating circumstances going on this time that almost made our planning to have to be by the seat-of-our-pants...
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree with Bathwater on his comment. Because I am a child of divorce. And I am extremely close to my father. To this day and being 45-years old, I call him and also my stepmom for advice. They put me on speaker phone. I know last year about this time when I was dealing with my mom's stroke and feeling really guilty because I was going through a lot taking care of her when she did not take care of me. How unfair it seemed? I lie to u not I was on the phone crying with them for three to five hours a night for several weeks having them to help me push the guilty feelings aside. Fathers are important!!! Especially when they are the sane ones in the family. My father has been my rock. I pretty much keep my issues to myself and try to work them out myself. But sometimes I just have to call or my dad seems to known something is amiss and he will call and say I was thinking of u today. Dawn your voice tells me something is wrong. I will always need my Dad. Always--I don't always reach out and ask for his help. Sometimes, he has to drag it out of me.
ReplyDeleteFemales are emotional. What can I say? We drive you guys crazy sometimes. But other times you love the emotions cuz u know that u can bring anything to us and we won't turn you away. We will soothe and comfort. I don't know what happened to your ex-wife along the way and yes maybe your daughter did pick up some behavior from her. I totally went the other way regarding my mom. In fact, did not see her from the time I was 13-years till I was 31-years. She hurt me that bad. I didn't want a mother. I was better off mothering myself. I think that is why I mother the hell out of everyone now. I don't want anyone to lack being loved. I have forgiven her since. It took a long while.
Your daughter will look back and remember your being there for her. Her rock. She may not be able to tell u that right now or ever. But she is drawn to her mother for some reason.
StormyDawn