"I Just Had A...

COW!!!!!!!

Today is HELL Day here at Alluvial Flood Plain State University... today is the day on which ALL graduating Senior grades are due by 5:00 PM... needless to say, most of us are running around like chickens with our heads cut-off trying to calculate grades and finish teaching our classes...

This guy that looks like a cross between Chaz Bono and a Leprechaun just  visited me...

Chaz Bono

Leprechaun

So I'm trying to tie up all loose ends... I don't want phone calls from the Registrar's Office either... and this guy strolls in...

"Mr. Shoes, I just wanted to remind you that you need to turn in my grade today... I'm a graduating senior..."

Evil Cow

I just stood there and looked at him... 

Shoes:  "Son... what is today?"

Chaz:    "It's today..."

Shoes:  "Son, I know it's today... all of the profs here know that graduating senior grades are due at the end of the day..."

Chaz:    "I just wanted to make sure you knew..."

Shoes:  "Son, I know your grades are due today... we all know without you all having to remind us..."

Chaz:    "I had asked the Registrar's Office if you had turned your grades in yet, and they told me to come and ask you..."

About this time, I started to think that he had been bugging them for grades... and, man.. if I am busy, imagine how busy the office that is responsible for compiling all grades and determining final GPAs and all must be at this point in the semester...

I figured that they decided to sacrifice his ass by sending him back to see his profs...

LMBO!!!!!

I can't believe I am getting to use this image yet again!!!

Dumbass...

Possessed Cows?

When I was a kid, I would hear my Dad talking to people... and sometimes, he would call them, "son"... and I would just watch and listen...

Zombie Cows??

One day I asked Dad... "Why did you call that guy 'son'... he's not your son...

Dad looked at me with this look that only he could give... and replied...

"It's short for Son Of A Bitch..."

And you know... it made sense...

This really re-defines the phrase, 

'milking the cow...'

I'm not sure why the above image showed up in a 'zombie cow' google search... but it did...

Tomorrow is the last day of classes...

The end is getting here just in time...

MOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~shoes~

"Bull Shit!!!..."

I'm calling Bullshit on this one!!!

What is an academic year without allegations of 'Bullshit!?!?'

It's the end of the semester... it's this time of the academic year that things like 'Full Moons' should occur, because some of the dumbest shit happens then!!!

A student stopped me the other day and asked if I could help him with some things in one of his other classes... I asked if it wouldn't be better if he talked with his prof... he said I made things easier to understand...

So... he walks into my office this morning with his 'worksheet'... I sit down with him and scan the material...

Shoes: 'Which of these are giving you trouble...?'

Dumbass: 'All of them...'

Shoes: '...but you haven't tried to work any of them...'

Dumbass: 'I don't know how to work them... I looked for the answers on-line but couldn't find them...'

Shoes: '...on-line... did you look in your text?'

Dumbass: 'I don't have a text book...'

I just looked at him...

Shoes:  'I think in that case, you need to go to your professor for help.  I thought you were just hung up on a question or two... there are... damn, 48 questions here... I don't have time to help you with all of them.  Run up to his office and see when he's going to be in... and then come back to see me...'

So, he gets up and leaves... and then I get to really giving his papers a thorough going-over, and I see at the top of the front page, "Exam IV."

EXAM IV?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I take the papers and go off in search of this student... I find him in the hallway... and I ask...

Shoes:  'Is this a take-home final exam?

Dumbass:  'Uh.....'

Shoes:  'You were going to trick me into working this exam for you!!!'

Dumbass:  'Yeah...'

It should be a full moon phase... the idiots are running amok!!!

~shoes~

"Me and my mate were back at the shack..."

"...We had Spike Jones on the box...

Back in college, there was this cool band from Canada... 'The Band'...  all Canadians... except for this drummer they had... Mr. Levon Helm... he was from right up the road in Helena, Arkansas...

What a Great Band they were!!!

One of my  most Favorite Band performances...

'Ophelia'

What a drummer...

Or this one...

'Up On Cripple Creek'...

What a performer... what a band... I've been fortunate enough to have seen and heard him perform several times...


And then this one...

'When I Go Away...'

Early in the morning
When the church bells toll
The choir's gonna sing
And the hearse will roll
On down to the graveyard
Where it's cold and gray
And then the sun's gonna shine
Through the shadows
When I go away

Don't want no sorrow
For this old orphan boy
I don't want no crying
Only tears of joy
I'm gonna see my mother
Gonna see my father
And I'll be bound for glory
In the morning
When I go away

I'll be lifted up to the clouds
On the wings of angels
There's only flesh and bones
In the ground
Where my troubles will stay

The following announcement has been posted on Levon's webpage...

Dear Friends,

Levon is in the final stages of his battle with cancer. Please send your prayers and love to him as he makes his way through this part of his journey.

Thank you fans and music lovers who have made his life so filled with joy and celebration... he has loved nothing more than to play, to fill the room up with music, lay down the back beat, and make people dance! He did it every time he took the stage...

We appreciate all the love and support and concern.

From his daughter, Amy, and wife, Sandy

Sighs...

I don't know why this has me on the verge of tears...

God Speed, Levon Helm...

"Goin' Home..."

You were the best...

~shoes~

"Workin'..."

Workin' in a coal mine…

Lee Dorsey

Man, things have been B-U-S-Y around here...I can't believe I haven't posted anything since back in February...

"Little Village"

John Hiatt, Ry Cooder, Jim Keltner, Nick Lowe

It seems that the Spring Semesters are always so much busier than the Fall Semesters... sometimes, I think it's because what we don't finish in the Fall, we can carry forward into the Spring. However, we do have to finish things up by the end of the Spring Semester...

Man, what a GREAT song this is!!!  "Sixteen Tons"... originally made famous by Tennessee Ernie Ford... god, what a singer he was... and then in the above video, that's Eric Burdon, of The Animals... and the original lead singer for the band, War... that band that gave us, "Spill The Wine..."

I tell my students that good things come to those who work hard... and this semester is a great example of this adage...

#1 - my colleagues in my division have nominated me for the prestigious Outstanding Teaching Award here at Alluvial Flood Plain State University...  The competition is fierce, but, like the Oscars... simply to be nominated is a great honor.  One of my colleagues have shared some letters that have been received from former students that support my nomination...  I can't put into words the emotions that I experience when I read what they have written... some of it is even positive... ;o)

#2 - I've been asked to participate in a professor exchange programs with some schools in Europe... it appears that I could get to spend a week in the Netherlands, and a week in Germany...  All I have to do is teach some classes...

The cool thing about this is... I've been working on my family tree... and one of my earliest known ancestors on my Father's side was born (1550) and died (1610) in Gelderland, a province in the Netherlands.  I'm am going to be so close to that area, it isn't even funny... I am hoping to have time to go and explore...

On my Mother's side of the Family, we go back to Biblis, Hessen, Germany...

I am going to be within just hours travel of the origins of my family...

I'm blessed... this has been a difficult year in so many ways for me... but, I've tried to stay the course, and handle things as they've come my way... the best way that I've known how to handle them...

I've got to get back to work...

I hope you all are still around...

~shoes~

"Kid Drawings..."

Kids' Drawrings...

And you know my name is Simon...

and I like to do drawrings...

I always liked the 'Saturday Night Live' skit with Mike Meyers... where he would sit in the tub and talk about all kinds of stuff with the TV audience...  sometimes, it was about his artwork, but it often went off on other topics.

Anyhoo....

Check this out...

This is a drawing that that my daughter, GirlShoes, did of me when she was about 4 years old...  I have to admit, it looks just like me!!  She explained to me that the blue flecks on my face were my whiskers... I wonder what color they would be today if she were to draw me...


The rest of these... they aren't kid drawings, but if they were, I would want them to be my kids... I think.  For example, look at this one...

It appears that 'Daddy' and 'Bich' wrestle... and that Jr. gets to stand outside and listen in...  I wonder what kind of sounds 'Bich' makes??

And, what about this one??

It appears that Mommy, and her career, 

has really imprinted on her little girl!!

If you have, or have had little ones, then you have

 many of these kinds of drawings laying around.

But... would you post THIS one on your refrigerator door??

Oddly enough...

I would...

And then there is this great story about...

horses... or was it about...

hores...

And here's another horse drawing...

It seems the horse behind is hurt... and the horse on all fours is

helping it walk...

Well, if someone told me that story,

I'd call  BULLSHIT on it!!!

And, I don't know WHAT this is below...

It's a horse that looks more like a Brontosaur

than it does a horse...

With multiple peckers, no less...

Do you have any drawings you or your kids have completed?

I would love to see them...

~shoes~

"Role Model..."

"Let's Rip That Scab Off 

One More Time, Please..."

My son, BoyShoes, left boxes of his stuff at my house... I am in the process of trying to clean out, box stuff, trash stuff, etc... I'm painting, cleaning, all of that kind of stuff. Who knows, one of these days, I may want to sell this dump house.

I've several boxes going... one of things I think he wants to keep, the other, stuff that just needs to be thrown out.  Anything that might have any scintilla of value is being kept, and I will let him make the decision to throw anything away.

I've found several photos... some I am pleased to find... and will make copies of them before I give him the originals... after all, they are his.  This is an important lesson that I have learned from a certain sister...

And then I find this one below...

The Photo appears to be from a Christmas Past...

Lil BoyShoes is SO sweet!

The photo appears to be from a Christmas many years ago... when he was a rug rat... it has been cut and used in an applique... pasted over a piece of paper on which he wrote a poem.  It didn't take long for me to realize that this was from after his Mom and I separated... and were on our way to our divorce.


I've written about all of this many times, but to make a long story short, my Dad had a stroke on Valentine's Day in 1996, and died eight days later on February 22. Then in July of that same year, his Mom sued me for divorce.  There is plenty of other dirt... I've posted it...  you can go find it and read it. It's still there and it isn't pretty...


Anyway, BoyShoes chose to take a photo and use it to tell me what he thought of me at that time...  I honestly don't know if the name of his writing is 'Role Model' or if it is 'Alone.'  I suppose either works quite well.  In the event you can't enlarge the photo in order to read what he wrote, I will include it here:

Enemy, show me how it has to be

I can handle anything

Even if I can't handle you

Either way it better be

Don't you fucking pity me

who the fuck am I to criticize

your twisted state of mind

You're leaving me upset, I am leaving you suspect

Feels like a burn from which you never learn

Cause and Effect

Press your face against the glass and suffer

Someone inside me

Everyone against me

Everyone beside me

Clawing away the pieces

Scratching away the outsides

Inside the places that I hide from you

You're the only one I'd rather see

Suffer before me

Don't lie!!!!!!!

You break my heart

You run away

I don't want you to be

I don't need you anymore

ALONE

There are many lessons from this... first of all, don't ever think for a moment that our actions, no matter how they happen, don't have an effect on your kids.

He was so hurt... He was so hurt when his Mom told him about something I did... of course, she didn't tell him everything... 

So it goes...

Psychologists might argue that he left it on purpose... wanting me to find it...

Maybe...

My Mother once shared something with me... about something my Dad did... that caused me to feel exactly the same way about him.  I didn't resolve things with my Dad until after he had his stroke sixteen years ago... it was during the eight days that it took him to die that I sat beside him one evening and apologized for how I had treated him. I hope he heard me...

So it makes great sense in the over all scheme of things... for me to apologize to my Dad my how I had treated him... and then have that Higher Power have me suffer the same consequence... just so maybe I could know... so I WOULD know... maybe how my actions affected my Dad...

Dad... 

I am still so sorry for treating you the way I did.... 

I don't know and couldn't know the entire story... 

I shouldn't have treated you the way I did...

Chris... 

I can't imagine the pain or the heartache 

that all of that must have caused you... 

at the time that you wrote this, 

you couldn't have known that I would stay near you... 

close to you... and always be there for you.  

Even to this day, you know I am just a phone call away.  

You know I would be there for you as quickly as I could... 

I know this because you have expressed this to me...

I love both of you so... I am so sorry for the hurt I caused either of you...  It is so appropriate that I find this reminder at this time of the year...

*sighs*

~shoes~

"Heart Shaped..."

Box...

Happy Valentine's Day to you...  Nothing quite says "I Love You" like Valentine Candy...

Well... maybe this isn't quite what you had in mind...

How about listening to a beautiful, romantic Valentine's Day Love Ballad...

Well... maybe that't what you had in mind either...  I mean, when it was all over, he lost his head...


Not quite sure how to find the Love of your Life? Maybe this table will help you out...

Of course... time after time after time of running through this model, I kept ending up with a book...  of course, if you aren't into reading, one of these could always be an option...

Senor Winces...

Hot Plate...

Most of the decision trees up there that take you to the book could easily take you to one of these... I think that guy on the right up there served me my margaritas the other day... I've been told that I become quite belligerent when I drink margaritas... and the guy in the middle seems to already have plans for the gal on his right...

I can't imagine that at all...

Wait... what did you say?

Then you MUST be hard to please then!!!

All I know to do at this point is share some romantic Valentines Day imagery with you...

Now, I know I sound cynical, and some of you are thinking...

"Shoes... what do you buy your Loved one for Valentine's Day?

Me, being the practical joker that I am...

I tend to go for gag gifts...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

~shoes~