It was very emotional for me... It's going to take some time for me to process his death...
____________
I posted a while back... Hell, some time ago... about the ex girl friend from high school reconnecting with me via Facebook... I wrote about her telling me she was divorced... then she told me that everything was done, except for the papers needing to be signed... then she told me they were separated... and then separated-but-still-living together...
I wrote a great deal about her HERE... I made a Spring Break Road Trip that took me to Texas... to Dallas.. to Austin... to San Antonio... My initial plans were to see her and spend time with her, but as the stories about her extent of being available became more and more muddy, I wasn't sure we would cross paths...
On my drive to Dallas, she did call me... and told me she would like to see me while I was out that way. I wrote of how she talked about all of the other guys who had been in her Life... and of how her phone continued to ring... and how I reached the conclusion that she was 'very married'... and how I told her when I left, "Good Bye"...
I didn't hear from her for a while... then she started emailing me again... texting... calling... I didn't want to be in the middle of that mess, so I played everything very straight... very 'above board'... I didn't want to be involved in any form or fashion in the middle of a nasty divorce. Mine was bad enough...
Some of her texts and emails were sexual in nature... I have no problem with sex.. trust me... but she had already misrepresented a host of things to me... I had this intuitive feeling that I just needed to keep an "arm's length" away from her...
She would tell me that she was ' on the verge of leaving her husband... blah blah blah blah blah'... It didn't matter... I had processed everything... for all of the reasons that I had thought it would be great to re-connect with her, there was nothing in it for me... nothing on which I could rely... nothing in which I could trust...
______________
So I am leaving the funeral home... driving away... and my cell phone rings. I have this habit of not answering my cell phone if I don't recognize the calling number. Not that many people have my cell #... it's a way of dealing with the riff raff...
So I answer the phone... and it's her husband... and he is MAD at ME!!!!! He goes on and on about how I had best quit contacting his wife... and what all he is going to do to me... and how I am not going to like it... and so on...
I am caught totally flat-footed... I most certainly wasn't expecting a phone call from him... of all people...
"... and you had better not EVER contact my wife again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He seemed to have ran out of gas or something... maybe he had blown out his rage...
So then I ask him, rather forcefully...
"Have you told her to NOT call ME?!?!?!?!"
My question seemed to have revived his rage level... "YES, I HAVE!!!"
My reply was, again, rather forcefully...
"Then you and I understand each other quite well.
Your wife is the one that is contacting ME!"
"Your problem isn't here with me...
your problem is there with HER!!!"
"YOU are talking to the WRONG person!"
... and he hung up on me...
I started to call him back and yell at him for hanging up on me... I wasn't finished...
Since Friday night, I have received eight ( 8 ) emails from her. I've thought about calling him back... and telling him to have her STOP!!!!!
______________
I hate being caught off guard... I was preoccupied with Robert... I didn't want this... I didn't need this... I don't know how I would have handled it had I not been bereft with everything I had processed...
I don't know if he found her emails to me... I don't know if he got to tracking her cell phone usage... I have no idea... I have no idea if she, during some argument, threw my name in his face... I have no idea...
Do you think I handled this ok? I mean, its not like I get a mulligan on this.. a do-over... I've rethought it... and I can't think of anything different I would have done...
I want her to leave me alone...
Tell me your thoughts...
~shoes~
I'm so sorry she lied to you and you deserve to be left alone. You are a lot kinder than I would have been. Add her email address to your spam folder.
ReplyDeleteDon't email or call her and certainly don't call him back. If she continues, contact the police and file a report about her stalking.
ReplyDeleteThey are right, sweet man. Good advice so far. No worries, you were more than kind. Grrrr. They both make me mad...
ReplyDeleteSeems like you handled it exactly how you should have. I would reply to her email and tell her to leave you the phuck alone, period. End of story. You can see from her behavior with her current husband what kind of FINE WIFE she would make for some other unsuspecting sucker, so there's no point in having contact with her really. IMO
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it very properly, too bad he hung up before you could tell him more. That is why I do not get involved with married people.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that you handled it just right. And - it sucks that you are left with the feeling of..... yuck - and the drama when you didn't need it. She is the liar - wrong wrong on her part to bring you into her marriage - however healthy or unhealthy the marriage might be. And - liar's are just bad business.
ReplyDeleteI think you are still handling it right - throw down and walk away - maybe even block her emails - drama is never a good thing... causes premature wrinkling and stuff. ;-)
How is it that (and this is a wild guess)you drove down I-35 and missed my duct tape? geesh...
all be well - just change in to the right shoes.
;-) robelyn
Not answering unlisted or private numbers is a good idea. The person can always leave a message and if you want, you can call back. Now if you have a lot of people who might be calling you for bail, this might not work.
ReplyDeleteMy life has been more pleasant by not answering no number calls.
This woman is just the female version of the "basement boy" i.e. a guy who lives in the house he always did but has been banished to the basement, attic, spare room, etc., and says he's separated. Man, if I had a million for every basement boy I've run into, I'd be rich!
If you ever have two way communications with her again, tell her she's been a fabulous character in your blog posts and you'd prefer her story end NOW.
With that sense of poor timing, he should be a BP exec. I feel terrible for the way you must have thought. Maybe you need to block the emails. Perhaps she will get the message.
ReplyDeleteGeesh Shoes, what a psycho bi-atch! This pisses me off in a way. You didn't do anything wrong! In fact I think you handled it perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI also think the advice you've received so far is perfect. Spam her email and dont answer the calls or text. She'll go away once she figures it out. Stooooopid girl.
"Bitch"
ReplyDeleteThat's all........
xx
*sigh*
ReplyDeletebless your heart....you certainly don't need anything like this. No one does.
Not responding to her emails is the best thing to do. Block her from your email account.
Hopefully she'll get bored harassing you and not getting a response.....which will cause her to move on to her next victim.
Ohhhhhhhhh so that is why you never answer my calls, LOL.
ReplyDeleteWell, I agree with offensing when being attacked. My temper would have dictated the same.
If you don't care about her, don't even reply to her emails or worry if her husband found her emails to you. There is nothing to incriminate you and if he calls again, just say you are going to get an order from the court if this doesn't stop now and hang up right away.
that sounds just awful. you were totally in the right. i mean, you didn't seek this woman out; she's the one being insane. you told him exactly what the deal was. you're in the right all the way through this.
ReplyDeleteSound advice all around.
ReplyDeleteYou were right and handled it better than most people. I am sure would have sat there dumb founded on the other end of the line; only to think of something spectacular after they had hung up.
De-friend her on FB, block her emails- shout NO and run away shoes!!
Wow, that woman is a royal twat and a half. I think you did everything right. Her husband is such a chump, eventually he'll figure out what's going on.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, please focus on getting through your emotions stemming from the death of your friend. It will do you so much good in the long run.
After my grandmother passed away, I just let myself cry uncontrollably for a couple of weeks. After her funeral, I was in a much better place. Take as much time as you need and accept and acknowledge all of the feelings that come to you.
WOMEN.
ReplyDeleteYou got what you needed to in on the phone call.
Block her ass.
Shoes,
ReplyDeleteShe is bad news. She is obviously quite in need of attention...any kind...positive or negative. She is using people, and hurting people.
You did well in communicating with the husband especially because you were caught off guard. The most important thing is that he knows SHE is calling you.
If you can, you should block her email. Denote her as spam so that you don't see it, then block it if your service has that feature.
Again, sorry about the loss of Robert. I wished you could have processed your feelings more on that but life interrupted.
-H
You did fine. Now ignore anything else that comes your way. I've been blind-sided a few times and it's such a helpless feeling. No time to make up a good lie :-)
ReplyDelete@ Jessica, yes, I do want her to leave me alone. She was nothing but bad news once upon a time... and seems to have not changed...
ReplyDelete@ Catch Her... I may go ahead and talk to law enforcement any way. I have several friends on the pd here at home... it wouldn't hurt for there to have been a discussion... thank you.
@ Beryl... yes, I think the advice from everyone is spot on... Thank you!
@ Peggy Sue... yes, you are right. I think I handled it ok... I still guess that I would have been caught off-guard. One doesn't expect a phone call like that, especially when there's nothing going on... thank you...
@ Bathwater... yeah, I was just getting started on my rant when he bailed... I did seriously think about calling him back. I'm keeping his phone call in my calling record on my BlackBerry to show that he called me, etc...
@ Red.Neck.Chic... was that huge pile of duct tape I saw on I-35 you?!?!?!?! Hahahaha... Seriously though, I didn't ask to be brought into any of that nonsense... I specifically asked her if she was married... and she said 'no'... grrrr....
@ Charlene LOL... I may tell her that (re: topic in my blog) if she ever contacts me again. I did eventually reply to one of her emails... telling her that her husband did indeed call me, and that I told him to be sure to tell his wife that I wanted it to stop. I figure that by referencing his phone call... and my wanting the contact to stop.. that my intent now is perfectly clear! 'Basement Boy'... I've never heard that term before... LOL
@ Mike... I think you are right... How are things 'Down Under?'
@ PeeDee... Yeah, I really can't think of any other way to have handled it... it seemed to have gone ok... especially since he hung up on me... not me hanging up on him...
@ Southern Girl.. tell me how you really feel?? Hahaha... thank you! :o)
@ Pissy... based on previous conversations, I think she has the next victims already in the pipeline... you know? I didn't ask for this. Had something been going on, that would be different...
@ Spring Flower... hahahaha... That's NOT true!!!!!! I was proud of myself for taking the offensive... I have/had nothing to be defensive about... and I think that was clear in my words to him...
@ Magnolia... yes, I think it went pretty ok for me... I am headed in the right direction with this nonsense...
@ Amethyst Anne... you are right... I havent been on FB in a while... I DO need to go into that and defriend you... thank you for that reminder!
@ Bella... yes, I think, in retrospect, that I did pretty ok... thanks! :o)
@ Senorita... yes, I don't need anything to mess with the grieving process for my friend. Eventually, time fixes everything in one way or another... thank you so much for your kind words...
@ Heff... welllll, not ALL of them, Heff... LOL But this one in particularly.. YES!!!
@ Hedone... thank you. Yes, I think maybe he has known the truth about her for sometime, and when I took the offensive with him, maybe it reinforced something HE knew... anyway, yes, you are right. No one needs anything like this to intervene in their lives...
@ Just Another Girl... you are exactly right. I've been a firm advocate of keeping everything open... if I do something I shouldn't be doing, then I will own that screw up... but if I am not responsible for something that happens, I will defend myself...
Thank you all SO much... your kind words through the death of my friend has meant so much to me. You will never know or understand the strength that I feel I have received from all of you...
~jim~
I've seen you post on Bathwater's site and just now on Misery's site and decided to pop over. I was expecting the blog about your friend (after your comment on Misery's post) but the stuff on the ex-girlfriend from hell was a shock. The phone call from her husband couldn't have come at a worse time for you, but I think you handled it exceptionally well. At this point, no response seems to be the best response. She is taking a terribly cowardly path by dragging another person into her marital firestorm. No one needs that sh*t. Life is hard enough already. Smart of you to recognize it early on and miss the "meet" altogether. Good thing you have good radar.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you regarding your friend. There is just no easy way to accept loss.
@ Robin... thank you... it's been a trying time for me. You are right, there isn't an easy way to accept this kind of a loss other than just head on... Thank you for your kind words...
ReplyDelete~shoes~