My colleague, Larry (Liam Neeson on Downers) showed up at work yesterday limping.
Disclaimer: This is NOT Larry, but kind of resembles him...
To my knowledge, Larry has never whizzed himself in public...
... to my knowledge...
"Larry... why didn't you just wear the mate to the grody looking shoe so you would at least match?", I asked...
Larry looked at me with this incredulous look and replied... "I don't know... I didn't think about that..."
Larry is NOT an idiot... he is this brilliant quantitative guy that just can't operate at a common sense level... Poor guy... If I had been a betting person, I would have bet on attending this fellow's funeral long before I would ever attend Robert's... He has a ton of medical issues a mile long.
Upon proof reading this, I find it intriguing that I measured Larry's medical issues by both weight AND distance... hmmm...
_______________
I have posted several times about a married woman on-campus here that's been pursuing me for the past four years. I've been direct with this woman... I've been blunt... Hell, I've been ugly to her trying to get her to understand that "our getting together" just wasn't going to happen...
I had finished my class yesterday and was getting ready to go home for lunch... and she's standing in my office door. Fuck... She claims she has a piece of cheesecake for me and wants to leave it with me. She says she saw me at Robert's visitation... and because I looked so upset, she just stayed away... Evidently, she couldn't stay away for long, because here she was...
Almost immediately, a secretary from 'down the hall' came into my office, and she and this woman started talking about this discovered affair between two university employees... they are both administrators and it's all over campus... These two women were just drooling with all of the facts and not-so-facts on this event... eventually, the secretary left to go back down to her office... and the
I looked at her and said... 'Don't you see that this is the exact reason I could never get involved in something like this? It WOULD be discovered and it WOULD be all over campus!!! I've been more than direct with her in the past... the reasons I've given her in the past have been, but not restricted to... (01) she's married to a policeman... and (02) I'm just not interested/attracted to her...
... but I didn't see the need to be that ugly this time. The way these two salivated over the news of these other two people and my drawing her attention to it at least seemed to alleviate the problem for now... for now...
If you've read my posts about my failing marriage and eventual divorce, this will make even more sense to you...
I swear... I seem to get into the damnedest messes without trying that anyone I've ever known....
_______________
I must have been one sad looking puppy at Robert's visitation... I've had three people at the university tell me that they saw me, but I looked so bereft that they just didn't want to bother me... God.. how sad is THAT?!?!?!?!
_______________
Guess what?!?!?!
It's... Incidental Porn Time!!!!
or...
What The Fuck Were They Thinking?!?!?!?!?!
This is just SO riveting!!!
I wonder what the secret ingredient is for this maple syrup?
I wonder if it's the 'Johnson Syrup Company?'
This guy does seem to have pretty good form... no?
Golden Showers....
YIKES!!!!!
I'm thinking this drinking could become habit forming...
~shoes~
This post had me alternately shaking my head and laughing. Then there were the times that I was doing both. Honestly, I truly don't understand the people who don't accept "No." Most people are cautious about throwing an invitation out there if they like someone because it is scary... what if that person doesn't feel the same? That is tough on the heart/ego. I guess I am thinking like a single person. She is thinking like a married person who isn't interested in a relationship. She just wants to screw around. So, her heart isn't involved. I would think that at some point her pride would take a hit, and would pick up what's left of her dignity, and just *stop* making a fool of herself.
ReplyDeleteOh, I've got nothing on the guy with the toe and different pairs of shoes. Brilliant people are amusing on so many levels.
And don't get me started on the photos.
That photo looks like Liam Neeson.
ReplyDeleteAnd what's with all the crazy bitches in your life?
If the tables were turned and it were a MAN harassing a woman the way this woman is harassing you, it would have been stopped by now. Have you considered filing a grievance against her with the university? I realize that you know her and I don't, but this is ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteJust sayin' ;-)
Get yourself a HARLEY. It won't cure the chik problem. But you'll be shooing away a higher class of women.
ReplyDeletethere's this one attorney in my county who will always have the distinction of being "that guy who pissed himself" during a trial. the story is repeated all the time to the young attorneys.
ReplyDeleteIf you accepted her cheesecake, you just gave her hope.
ReplyDeleteSO, Sally the Stalker takes one look at you and thinks, "This man need a piece of me and cheesecake?" I do not know why you seem to attract messes. I used to do that, but somehow have gotten past it.
ReplyDeleteAnd the attorney Jaime mentioned needs to move out of town. Man.
Well the last time I saw an ingrown hair it was very smelly and gross...maybe he was trying to avoid the hot nurses by doing surgery on himself...can I say MRSA?
ReplyDeleteJust think, if you were married, more women would be all over you. Seriously, who doesn't love a guy who shows his true emotions at funerals??
ReplyDelete@ Robin... that's the effect I tend to have on women anyway... they shake their heads and laugh... I have a terrible fear of rejection... maybe that's one thing that keeps me from dating more than I have... And Larry is brilliant.. I posted not long ago about him one day at lunch, when he decided to stand up in the middle of a restaurant and reenact a scene from a Broadway musical... only Larry... sheesh...
ReplyDelete@ Jessica... that is Liam Neeson... and it appears that he's peed himself... as for these women, I can't explain it.. I don't go out looking for this chaos... it seems to just naturally settle in with me...
I must have this large sign on me that only certain people can see that says, 'Fuck With Me'... hmmm...
@ Pissy... hey you... how is your shoulder doing? Much better?? What I perceive to be one of my strengths is also one of my biggest weaknesses... I tend to be a nice guy... The mess with 'Austin' sure seemed to bring me out of this 'nice guy' thing to a bit... and I need to be more stern at times... I'm too easy going... too laid back... too "nice"...
@ Kurt... do Harleys come with training wheels? I have a sneaking suspicion that would have negative cool points and would cost me my 'Man Card'... no?
@ Jaime... Oh My God... what credibility does he have left?? LOL... that reminds me of a colleague that went to the board one day to write something... and when he stretched to write, he farted... LOL... I'm not sure what I would have done, but I wouldn't and turned around and blushed... and started apologizing...
@ Catch Her... NO... I forgot to finish that... I told her that I didn't want it... of course, in a nice way... which probably cost me style points... I'm thinking she'll be back one of these days anyway.
@ Charlene... *sighs* I know... I can't explain it at all... :o( As for Jaime's attorney, Yes he does!!
@ Darn Girl... Larry's big problem is that he's just goofy... LOL.. at last year's back-to-school event, Larry went from woman to woman, almost, asking if she was divorced or single... I guess the direct approach may work... but not for Larry...
@ Hi there, Ily... can you explain that to me? Why if I were married, there would be more women all over me? Maybe I need to start wearing my old wedding ring... I wonder where it is??? Again, one of my better attributes, I fear is also a weakness... I am much too able to show my true emotions... *shrugs*
~shoes~
Oh Shoes... what are we going to do with you?!!! At least you didn't eat the cake... coulda' been a date rape somethin' in there and THEN where would you be (besides naked and laid out on your desk...)?
ReplyDeleteLarry is making me laugh - so are the pictures... YOU! Okay - watch out for psycho women... they are allllllll around (and seem to use you as their home base? What's up with THAT?!) LOLOL
;-)
Drinking is good! Well, at least in moderation.
ReplyDeleteI would seriously tell that woman that you are not attracted to her. By just saying you don't want to do it because she is married and it could be found out won't dissuade her from pursuing her. Trust me on this. If you say you aren't attracted to her there is no where to go with that.
And do NOT offer her a ride in your car :-)
Poor woman, she thinks your a challenge now:)
ReplyDeleteShoes you are such a married chick magnet. I on the other hand walk blindly through life.
ReplyDelete@ Red.Neck.Chic... you are right.. and maybe, just maybe, Larry is behind all of this!! LOL Re: the psycho women, maybe I need to start wearing aluminum foil hats... you think??
ReplyDelete@ Just Another Girl... I was really rude and blunt this afternoon. I'm VERY tired of it... And I would NOT ride in her car!!!!!!! ;o)
@ TK Kerouac... I fear you were correct... however if she STILL thinks that, she's ill!!!
@ Bathwater, with your permission, I will send BOTH of them to you... the local married woman is possibly more insane than the Austin one.. or maybe not... the Austin woman is hot, but definitely NOT worth the BS factor... but I will still fix you up with them... ;o)
~shoes~
I love this feature, man !
ReplyDelete