I have cried more in the past two days than I care to even try to estimate. When I went to my class on Tuesday morning, I announced to the class that Robert had died... most of them have been in his classes or know him...
My Dad used to get so upset with me when I would cry when I was a kid... "Shoes, men don't cry!! Stop that!!"
Well... I do cry... I have a softer side that I do believe I got from my Mother... I can and will stand up for myself... I just allow myself to feel heart break... and hurt... and I don't think its a bad thing for a guy to cry... Hell, even BoyShoes cries... that one of his most endearing traits, I believe...
Some observations from the past two days...
His wife told me yesterday... "I didn't get to tell him that one more time that I loved him..." and she just cried... I assured her that he did indeed know that she loved him. If you have someone special in your Life... that you really really really love... take time to tell him or her... it may be the last conversation that you have with this person.
If you are married... and have a mortgage on your home... and/or have kids that would need monetary support in the event that something happens to you... buy Life Insurance. I learned today that Robert had no life insurance... his wife doesn't work... he has two children. I have NO idea what they are going to do. I fear that their Hell is just starting...
You can buy term life insurance cheap... CHEAP... CHEAP...
You need enough to pay off your mortgage so your wife won't have to worry about how to make a monthly house note.
If your spouse needs some money to make it through the adjustment period... of learning to deal with your death... you need to allow for that.
If your kids need college money... you need to plan for that now...
Please... if you are the primary income earner, please think of your family.
Obviously, if your house is paid off... if your children are through with college... then ones need for Life Insurance is minimal... if non-existent...
Did I mention telling the person that you love... that you do love them??
When there is a death in your circle of friends... please go visit. She has had many visitors the past two days... I worry about her in the days and weeks and months after the funeral... Those of us at the office are already planning some kind of out-reach...
One of her big concerns yesterday was his office... she told me, "I just CAN'T go into that office again... Do I HAVE to go clean it out??"
I told her that I would be more than pleased to do that for her... that we would discuss the details later... that cleaning out the office wasn't that important right now...
... and it's not.
Again, thank you for the kindness that you extended to me... I'm just a friend feeling his loss... I can't imagine what his wife and kids must be feeling...
Take care of those you love... please...
~shoes~
This is why I call you Goodheart, baby. Love you, love you.
ReplyDeletexox Beryl
I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your friend. I do know how awful it is to lose someone close to you very suddenly and without any warning so my thoughts are with you and your friend's family.
ReplyDeleteIt's a remind to really cherish everyone in our lives who we care about because you just don't know how long we have.
T
x
It seems we never plan the way we should. I'm thinking she will at least get some SS for herself and the kids, not sure if she knows about that.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, men do cry. Funny I just posted about that today, although it had to do with me, not men. I personally hate crying in front of people, it's an issue of mine.
Still thinking about you. Hang in there. **HUGS**
Very sorry for your loss Shoes. Thank you for the reminder to plan ahead. You can never say I love you too much..
ReplyDeletePlease remember that everyone handles death & grief differently. I cry outwardly & I prefer to be alone.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for you loss.
May God bless and keep you always. May your wishes all come true. May you always do for others. And let others do for you. May you build a ladder to the stars. And climb on every rung. May you stay...
ReplyDeleteforever young.
I am a firm believer in showing emotion and have taught my son that there is nothing 'un manly' about doing so. It will be up to him to decide when he wants to share his tears when he is older. I feel that this would be one of those times.
ReplyDeleteI hope the memory and warmth of your friendship never fades from your heart shoes.
Nothing wrong with crying no matter what your Dad said. I admire people who are empathetic. I cry at all kind of stupid stuff but it was almost a year before I could cry about my husband's death and that was at the point I got mad at him for dying.
ReplyDeleteI believe his wife will at some point get mad at him.
I had many examples of how to be a widow from my grandmother, mom, aunts, cousins and Dennis was a good man who was my life and business partner, so I was ok. But, there are lot of mistakes a widowed person can make when suddenly alone wall all the stuff that involves.
Hell I cry, even with my emotions shut down, I cry. Life gets tougher the older we get, I think our own mortality is easier to face than to watch those around us pass.
ReplyDeleteReal men do cry. Don't let anyone tell you different.
ReplyDeleteI think that you crying right now is the best thing you can do. That way it won't build up, and you will have an easier time down the road coping with this.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you offered to clean out his office for his wife. That was generous of you.
My grandma died unexpectedly of a heart attack and I was lucky that I was able to tell her I loved her and thank her for her love and support way before it happened.
I don't feud with my mom even though we don't get along because she is sick and I don't want my last words to her to be a fight.
Thanks everyone... tonight will be difficult. The visitation is this evening (07/09). Several of us are planning to wear Hawaiian shirts... Robert would SO love that!!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless him...
@ Beryl... thank you!!
@ Tuppence... you know, I was thinking... so many of us seem to struggle to find that someone special in our lives... and never give any thought as to how easily they can leave us...
@ Just Another Girl... I used to worry about crying in front of others... now, it is just part of who I am...
@ Wishing On A Star... yes, planning is everything!!! We can't plan FOR everything, but we can do a better job...
@ Kimberly... you are exactly right about the grieving process... Thank you...
@ Kurt... thank you! You are right... we should all be a positive part of the solution!!! Thank you SO much!
@ Amethyst Anne... I think one of my strengths/weaknesses is that I don't let go of people easily... once they are in my Heart, they seem to find a way to stay there in some capacity... thank you so for your kind words...
@ Charlene... yeah, I think you are referring to those 5 steps of grieving? Disbelief, anger, acceptance, etc... and I am sure I have them in the wrong order... what Ive always told people is that we all grieve in our own way... Essentially, what Kimberly said above... I hope all is well in your neck of the woods...
@ Bathwater... you are exactly right! It seems that with each passing year, each passing friend, that I become more and more entrenched with my Mortality... I wish I could remember something I wrote in my journal the other day... I need to find it and post it... I thought it to be exceptionally profound, even for me!
@ Mike... yeah, you are right! Life, at some point, I figured out was a learning process... Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting...
@ Senorita... yes, 'coping' is the word... eventually, we get to the point where we are better able to deal with the events Life throws our way... I've become rather adept at cleaning out desks of deceased friends here at the school... this isn't the first one I will have done. I am a giver, and I figured this would be the least I could do for her in order to lessen her pain and grief.
You are so wise, Senorita... so wise beyond your years... I wish I was as wise when I was 29... I would be a better person today...
Thank you all SO much!!
~shoes~
Shoes, I'm sorry about the death of your friend. You have written some very good advice about planning ahead and helping those who have lost someone. I can imagine you playing some howlin' blues.
ReplyDelete@ Blissed-Out Grandma... Hey you. thank you so much! We've learned more and more about how he didn't provide for his family... and it saddens me to no end! No one has any business leaving his family in such a sad state of affairs...
ReplyDeleteHowling blues? Is there any other kind?? :oD
~shoes~