"Have you ever taken a dump so big that your pants fit better afterwards??"
The quote was attributed to a colleague, Larry...
A Train Wreck
Larry is a train wreck...
Larry commits more faux pas in a week than most people probably accumulate in years...
Regarding his comment yesterday, I can think of about any other situation where he could have said that and I would have laughed... but not while eating... of course, when Jerry and I stopped and immediately turned and faced each other with this dead pan look on our faces, he thought that to be funny...
Larry was best friends with another colleague, Val... who up and died rather suddenly in January, 2006... of course, we all knew Val was a ticking time bomb, but still... I think when most people die, it's still suddenly...
Larry was lost... totally lost... these two went to dinner all of the time... and in a bout of feeling sorry for Lonesome Larry, I offered to take him to lunch... and he was delighted...
He told me not long ago that I was his best friend... Poor fellow...
At lunch yesterday, Larry decided to stand up and re-enact some scene from some Broadway play... which promptly scare the young children sitting at a table next to us... the kids did eventually stop crying... He was emoting and flailing his arms all about like some kind of spastic octopus... Hell, it scared me!
Larry is an intellectual... he knows so much about so much... he is really a great deal of fun to talk to... novels... movies... classical music... He is a cornucopia of Knowledge... I tend to think of myself as a cornucopia of Bullshit... Larry knows all of this great useful information... I am a black hole for useless trivia...
He has a PhD in Quantitative Techniques... he is brilliant when it comes to math... calculus, and manipulation of data...
Yet, we can count on Larry to amuse us with his antics... they aren't intentional... he just commits them...
Larry's latest kick... or latest revelation was this announcement that NO ONE gets to select their own nickname... and you know what??
He's right!!
In 'Bull Durham'... Tim Robbins' character, 'Calvin LaLoosh, wants to be nicknamed "Nuke"... but instead, he ends up with a name that 'Crash' Davis (Kevin Cosner) hangs on him... 'Meat'... and undoubtedly, 'Crash' didn't get to select his own nickname...
'Crash' Davis and 'Nuke' Laloosh
Larry has a host of nicknames... among them are 'Lurch' and 'Scooter'... he told us not long ago he wanted us to call him 'Larry Lee'... but it just isn't going to happen...
Lurch
After all, you don't get to select your own nickname...
He started calling me 'Optimus Prime'... after some kid's toy... a transformer...
Optimus Prime
I think I've been successful in getting it changed to 'Octopus Prime'... but that remains to be seen...
After all... you don't get to select your own nickname...
~shoes~
Octopus Prime? Do you have eight arms?
ReplyDeleteI knew when you told us about Larry in the earlier post, that he wasn't intentionally being so bizarre. If he had been he's be annoying. And maybe he is annoying if you have to endure these impromptu plays in the middle of restaurants. Personally I'm usually more annoyed by a herd of children and parents disrupting the whole room, than a person being animated. Perhaps he should pass the hat afterwards.
I have a friend who is very smart. He's the smartest person I have ever known. He can quote whole poems by obscure poets and understands the world economy and gets math. I'm none of those things, but I sure enjoy conversations with him and the effort to keep up.
Hi, Charlene...
ReplyDeleteNope... I don't have octopus arms... I just thought it sounded goofy... :o)
And yes, you are right... he isn't intentionally bizarre... and it's really a 'good natured' bizarre... although one day, he walked into one of my classrooms... just to talk to me... and the class observed... and out of nowhere, Larry announced that this one young fellow sitting on the front row wore boxer shorts...
I asked, 'how do you know?'... to which Larry responded... 'we sleep together...'
OH MY GOD...
That was another one of those speechless moments... I think even the students were shocked...
He's a great deal like those old 'Chatty Cathy' dolls... you never knew what they were going to say next! :-D
~shoes~
You don't always get to choose your nickname but when you blog you get to choose your pseudo name and if you are lucky it catches on, I'm not sure what I was thinking when I choose Bathwater :) but Shoes was already taken.
ReplyDeleteGood morning, Bathwater... I've wondered about your name... I had thought maybe it had something to do with that saying about the baby being thrown out with the bathwater... but that was just something I had thought of... I trust all is better for you today!!
ReplyDelete~shoes~
My ex husband gave me the nickname "Moonpie". I hate moonpies with a purple passion.
ReplyDeleteAs a small child (until I could put the smackdown on them) I was called "Martie Fartie".
Now I don't have a nickname. Suits me fine.
You are not a cornucopia of bullshit but that did make me laugh. Lol.
ReplyDeleteLarry sounds like a nice guy. He sounds like he is comfortable in his own skin and that is all that really matters.
I think Larry and I need to party.
ReplyDeleteso what was the play he re-inacted?
ReplyDeleteDo you ever notice how certain people comment on certain posts and spam mail follows them wherever they go?
ReplyDeletelol.
I'd like to stick some spam up someone's ass.
The day will come though where karma will be returned, and they can take that one to the bank.
@ Martie... Yeah... I've had some whoppers of some nicknames as well... for some reason, I had a group of friends in high school that called me 'Spaz'... it's amazing that they ALL met untimely deaths... ;o)
ReplyDeleteJUST KIDDING!!!!!
Moon pies... some times, they are the cat's meow... :oD
Thank you for stopping by... :o)
@ Shelly... Larry is VERY comfortable in his own skin... and much like a Chatty Cathy doll, you NEVER know what he's going to do next... LOL He's really a very likable guy...
Well... what about a cornucopia of totally useless information??? :oD
@ Heff... I offered to crate Larry up and send him to someone... and they declined... you want him, huh? He may be interested in whether or not you wear boxers...
How are things in your neck of the woods???
@ Jaime... It was some obscure play, I am sure... Larry is greatly attracted to the more obscure stuff... I will ask him when I see him again and let you know!
@ 佩上心璇 非常感謝你！！ 然而，這聽起來像一個幸運餅說！
(translation: Thank you very much!! However, that sounds like a fortune cookie saying!)
@ Shelly... Yes I HAVE noticed that!! Spam... Green Eggs and Spam... Green Eggs and Spam up one ass would be painful, I would think.. no? :oD
~shoes~