I had great plans about a 'Mother's Day' post that I wanted to make... I found some photos of my Mom that I wanted to include... but they just didn't scan...
This really isn't me pouting... but I think it gets the point across...
I've posted about my Mom before... about how much I love her... how much I miss her... I still can't believe that she's been gone as long as she has...
I know I am highly biased, but I think I had the bestest Mom in the whole wide world... but, if you have a wonderful Mom, please PLEASE feel free to disagree with me... after all, it isn't a contest...
I think that maybe she was 16 or so in this photo...
I hope its not necessary to tell you how many times
I've cried while making this post...
Here is another... I don't know which of the two photos above came first... but I have memories of Mom holding her hands and her purse just like she is in this photo... This was taken on Hwy 1 North going towards Grayville, ILL... just north of Carmi, Illinois...
I sent "GirlShoes" a photo of 'Memom' a while back and she called me immediately... "Dad!! You look just LIKE 'Memom!!!'
That is reassuring to me... to know that I am carrying her forward with me into the next stages of my Life...
This is my memory of how Mom looked...
I like to think that I got my soft-hearted demeanor from her...
This is my Mom in the latter years of her Life... It was made before she got sick... Mom developed Pulmonary Fibrosis... I remember when my sister took Mom to a specialist... in a private moment, my sister told me that the doctor said it would be about six months... I was thinking, 'Hell... that's not bad... Mom will be up and around before you know it...'
... and Sister said, 'No... she's not going to get better... that is how long the doctor believes she has left to live...'
I experienced some nonsense in the year that my Dad died and I got divorced, but I don't think I have ever been shaken as badly as I was by this news...
In going through some papers and all yesterday, trying to compile what all I needed for this post, I found a 'year book' that Mom kept by her bedside during her illness... In January, she would write about how much better she was feeling on some days... that she looked forward to getting up and going again... that she wanted to work in her flower beds...
... and at some point, she wrote about how fortunate she was if she was able to spend an hour or so in her rocking chair...
... and somewhere in September of that year, she stopped writing...
My birthday is on November 10th... and that year, Mom gave me a birthday card wishing me a 'Happy Birthday'... I read it and hugged her... thanked her... told her I loved her... and later told my then-wife that Mom dated my birthday card November 17th... a week later...
It is a great consolation to me is that the night before she died, when I was at the house, she sat up and bed and extended her arms to her Mother... calling her by name... I guess that even at the end of our lives, we are wanting our Moms... we want to be with the ones that were there when we were born...
and early on Saturday, November 17th... she died...
... and She was gone...
_______________
When I entered the drive, I saw my ex's vehicle close to the grave site... I parked and walked over to her... and she was crying... I guess Mother's Days when one's Mom is gone can be a rather rough day... She asked me to look at a note that 'BoyShoes' had left on her headstone... He had written her a letter... and translated it into German... and left it for her... I guess she was touched that Chris would be so caring... but he is a caring boy...
She told me that she was going to drive down to NOLA to see 'GirlShoes'... and that she needed to get her tag on her car renewed... that she just hadn't had the money to do it... and I asked, "Do you have the money to do this now?" She replied, "No..." I gave her $200.00 and told her she could pay me back whenever...
I don't know why I do some of the stupid stuff that I do...
I guess I got it from my Mom...
I love you, Mom...
I miss you...
Each and every day...
____________
~Shoes~
thanks, seriously, like my co-workers haven't seen me staring at the computer screen with tears in my eyes enough ...
ReplyDeletevery sweet post, my mothers day post is whiney and probably pisses people off who have lost their mothers.
I'm sorry about yours.
You are very lucky to have the "worlds greatest" Mom. I didn't. But, she was the best Mom that she knew how to be. I try to be the best Mom that my daughters need me to be.
ReplyDeleteP.S. It's never wrong to do what your heart tells you to do.
This just shows how one beautiful soul can make good sons, grandsons, and you can bet great grand children too. When it seems all is lost with parents killing their babies and people trying to hurt people they don't even know, we see the blessing of a good mother or father and the result that resounds through generations!
ReplyDelete[Psst, I'd have given the x the money too.]
Red,
ReplyDeleteYour momma died on my daughter's birthday (she was born in 2001).
And I don't speak to my mother...but your post made me wish that I did.
And? hopeful that my son loves me as much as you love your momma.
I love these older pictures, the way they look, feel and render beauty to people. Your mother was very pretty! That was such a touching post...
ReplyDeleteThat first photograph of your mother is stunning.
ReplyDeleteA touching post, Shoes. You are so lucky to have such a family.
Awe I hope my son feels that way about me!
ReplyDelete@ Stacy (No E)... Thank you... I find that I can get too emotional when talking/writing about my Mother... I wrote this in my office this afternoon... and the secretary would come in from time to time to ask me some things... and she would catch me wiping tears from my eyes... She asked if something was wrong... and I told her that I was writing about my Mom..
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading your post as soon as I finish here... Thank you so much for your comments...
@ Hi there, Wishing... thank you for stopping by... I was fortunate to have the Mother I had... my Dad? He did the best he knew how to be... I think he did... I've written about him here in the past... and I had some issues I had to overcome with him... I was able to resolve those issues with him before he died...
Our kids had a Mom who did the best she knew how to do... and GirlShoes has told me in the past, that on good days, they are friends... So maybe I am guilty of over-compensating... you know?? I bet your daughters feel that about you... and that is our job, I think, as parents... we have to raise them... Not a village...
@ Charlene... I feel that I am who I am today because of my Mom... my students benefit from the integrity that Mom instilled in me... and the lessons she taught me... and it reflects in the way that I work with students who need that extra bit of attention when things in their world just aren't right... Kindness... being kind... never hurts... It just might make a difference... Thank you for your kind words.
@ Hi there, JenJen... November is a good month for birthdays... but again, I am biased... ;o)
I understand about your relationship with your Mom... I have some friends in similar relationships with their Moms... I was fortunate in that I eased up on Dad there at the end...
Its like what "Wishing" said up there... as kids of those kinds of parents, we do the best we know how to do... I am willing to bet your son adores you... :o)
@ Hi there, Spring Flower... yeah, those old photos just have a great aura about them... Thank you, yes, I think Mom was very pretty... as for what kind of post it was... I just wrote about my Mom... that tends to speak for itself... Thank you...
@ Hi there, Jessica... Yes, I wish I knew more about the history of that photograph...
I love my Mom... and I love my kids... I had enough to go wrong that one year in which my Dad died and we filed for divorce to probably make me a very angry person... a hateful person... a mean and vindictive person... but it didn't... and for that, I am greatful...
The best I could wish for is that some day... my kids will feel about me the way I feel about my Mom... and my Dad... and my students who hopefully have gone on to bigger and better things in Life will think of some goofball prof that wore red shoes to class and say.... 'he made a difference for me...'
That's what I hope for... Yes, I am lucky to have such a family... Thank you...
@ Darn Girl... the way you talk about your son when you post about him, I am confident he feels that way about you NOW!!! You are so supportive... so loving... so caring... so encouraging... I am sure he does!!!
I SO need to get back to posting goofy sniznit... I need to break out of this mold Ive been in... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank all of you for your warm words and thoughts...
~Jim~
Wow, your mother was such a beautiful woman, thank you for sharing !
ReplyDeleteMy mom was out of the country for Mother's Day so I didn't get to even speak to her.
Your mom is definitely alive in your heart. How you feel about your mother is how I feel about my grandmothers.
And she gave you some of the best of her....to carry forward and love deeply. What a lovely gift!!
ReplyDeletexx
@ Senorita... I can tell how much you feel for your grandmothers when I read about them... they are just always "there"... Thank you for your kind words... :o)
ReplyDelete@ Southern Girl... hey you... Yeah, I think her eyes and her warmth... compassion for and about others have been blessings at times... at other times, I fear I don't get a 'return' on how I care/feel about others... I need to work on some kind of 'distancing' I suppose...
~shoes~
Beautiful photos of a beautiful lady...your is touching...very bittersweet to remember such lovely things about your Mom, painful yet precious...Id rather be pained by the beautiful memories than tortured by bad ones...my Mom is still with us and we celebrate weekly..with martinis and raunchy conversations..and lots of laughs...I know we'll all have many beautiful memories as you do...Thanks for Sharing..!
ReplyDelete@ Hi there, smArtee... I am fortunate in that I had a good Mom... I know that some people aren't afforded those luxuries...
ReplyDeleteIn retrospect, Ive tried to be the Dad to my kids that Mom was a Mom to us...
I think its worked out...
Martinis and raunchy conversations!!! I wanna go!!!
Thank you for your wonderful words...
~shoes~