'Ten Things About Shoes...'

Beryl, over at 'Phoenix Rising'... has tagged me in an award gizmo...  She saw fit to pass on the 'SugarDoll' award to me... I'm not sure what that says about me... hmmm

It requires that I tell you ten (10) things about myself...  I think I've already clarified that I am somewhat fukt up and dysfunctional... is that one thing or two? I forget...


I've ranted enough about the possibility of losing my job at Alluvial Flood Plain State University... blah... who cares any more... not me... (well, a little maybe...)


You know that I own WAY too many guitars...  and that I love RED Chuck Taylors...

Let me think about some things I can tell you about myself that maybe you don't know...  If you should become intrigued, feel free to ask questions and I will follow up...


#1 - I've always been somewhat of a goofball...


When I was in the Air Force, even lowly flight line crew personnel had to qualify with the M-16... we would go to firing range, it seemed, once a year... and get to shoot about 100 rounds down range at some target... 


The Firing Range officer was always some dry, wry, person who had no sense of humor... granted, he was responsible for the lives of everyone on the firing line and range... but still...

He reminded me of Gunny Ermy... he would line us up on the firing line and tell us:


Infrontofyouyouwillfindone(1)coltM-16rifleandfive(5)clipsof.223caliberammodesignedtobefiredinyourweapon.whenigivethecommandyouwillpickupyourweapon,insertone(1)clip,onmynextcommand,youwilllockandloadyourweapon,andonmynextcommandyouwillswitchyoursafetyclockwisetothesemiautopositionandonthecommandof'commencefiring'youwillfireyourweapondownrangeatyourtargetandkeepyourweaponpointeddownrangeuntiligivetheorderofceasefire!doyouunderstand?


Man.. he would say all of that in one breath... I was tired from just listening to him!


Then we proceeded along until it was time to flip the safety. Hmmm... did he say 'clockwise' or 'counter-clockwise?' In all of the confusion, I lost track of his instructions (thought in my best Dirty Harryesque manner)... on top of that, I had NEVER fired any weapon on full automatic in my life... and wondered what the chances would be after I got out of the military...


The safety mechanism on a M-16 looks like this....

... so it would definitely be possible for some yokel from the flatlands of Missippi to screw that order up... so... when he gave the order to switch the safety to semi... I switched it an extra click to 'auto'... and people began firing... pow... powpow... pow... and then about that time... brrrraaaaaaaaapppppppp... man, that mother emptied that 20 rounds before I even knew what happened...  and Range Officer... had... a...  COW!!!!

CEASEFIRE!CEASEFIRE!!GODDAMMITWHODIDTHAT?!?!?!

I went ahead and raised my hand because it wasn't going to be difficult to determine who had done it... I got yelled at... cussed... and all of that... 

but...

I also got to shoot the M-16 in full-automatic mode...

SWEEEETTTTT!!!!!

# 2 -  Man, the rest of these can't be THAT winded... I got a text message today saying something about 'Hot Monkey Sex'...

# 3 - I struggle in relationships with women... but that's nothing new...

# 4 - on my night table, I have the following:  A book, 'Spiritual Literacy: Reading The Sacred Into Everyday Living,' a book, 'Super Hot Sex,' and a S&W Model 19, 357 Magnum.  Talk about confused! LOL

# 5 - The women that I have dated tend to tell me that the facade that I have of being a professor greatly masks my passion.

# 6 - My counselor has told me that I hide a great deal of hurt behind my humor... go figure...

# 7 - To be a professor, and someone who conducts continuing education seminars, I am very shy...

# 8 - I don't care that I have a brother that I haven't spoken to since we buried Dad... almost 15 years ago...

# 9 - I decided to take this one out...  I shouldn't have put it here...

# 10 - I would so love to fall madly in love with someone special...

Man, to start off somewhat light-hearted, this thing really went down-hill... didn't it?

Now, I need to share this madness...

What about...

Spring Flower...

Robin

Amethyst Anne

Martie

That should cause enough havoc!!!

~shoes~

"Rain, Rain, Rain, Rain..."

I am in BAD need of a "rain" fix...  it's been terribly hot here in the Mississippi Delta... I don't recall when we last had any kind of measurable rain...

There is something healing... therapeutic about rain and water for me... I'm not exactly sure why...  It's said that Life evolved from the ocean... from water... and maybe it's the nurturing that I feel from rain...


There have been some great songs written about rain... this is one of my favorites...





Oh, man! The late, great Doug Sahm...  The Sir Douglas Quintet... I've posted about him before HERE...  Most songs about 'Rain' are about missing someone... or a love relationship gone bad...

'The Golden Gate Bridge'

My Favorite City...

I think my most favorite 'Rain' song is 'Rain'... makes sense... no?





The music that these four guys and George Martin managed in just a bit over six years is amazing... Paul McCartney evolved into the most fabulous bassist...  his bass lines in this song are incredible!

Yet another one of my favorite 'Rain' songs is by Creedence Clearwater Revival, who had several 'Rain' songs... but this one is really great, I think... I love the sound of the acoustic guitar ringing in it...





They were an incredible band at an incredible time in our country's history...

What good is a post about rain without the image of a soaking wet woman?

Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman

For the longest, I always thought this was Ricky Nelson singing this 'Rain' song... instead, it was a group called 'The Cascades'...





I don't know why I find such peace... such serenity in rain... and even in violent thunderstorms, there's a peace for me...  Rain grounds me... and I am in such need of being grounded...

_______________

This has absolutely nothing to do with 'Rain'... but is is funny as Hell... at least, I think so...

Be sure to click that 'Play' button up there...

... and get your minds out of the gutter...

~Shoes~

"Extreme Muslim Culture Meets German Auto Technology..."

This is just TOO fukken funny...

I understand that this is a VW advertisement that is aired in Germany.  Can you imagine the political correctness that would run amok in the U.S. today?

This is what we would LOVE to see..

~shoes~

"Guitar Porn..."

I'm not sure what it is about guitars that fascinate me so...  Maybe it has something to do with the shape of a guitar being so similar to that of a woman...

There are great similarities... they are fun to hold... you can caress the most wonderful sounds from them... One definitely uses a g-string... the other might...  They respond well to  how you touch them... how you use your fingers with them...

Gretsch White Falcon

This guitar is quickly replacing my desire for a Rickenbacker 12-string... I tend to think of Neil Young and Stephen Stills in their early days with Buffalo Springfield when I think of White Falcons...

Neil Young

"Harvest Moon"

I've read that he wrote this song for his wife... and in the video that was shot for this recording, he is dancing with his wife... Love and Romance is great when it works...

Stephen Stills

"TreeTop Flyer"

Stephen Stills gets his unique guitar sound from various tunings... I've read that for 'TreeTop Flyer,' his guitar is tuned EEEEBE  instead of EADGBE...which allows for open strings to drone...  Neil  Young is also the master of various tunings, other than Standard tuning...

Neil Young's Gibson 'Les Paul'

'Old Black'

'Old Black' has a ton of miles on her... hmmm... there I go using weight AND distance measures again...

_______________

'While My Guitar Gently Weeps'

Tom Petty, Jeff Lynde, Dani Harrison, Prince, Etal...

Dani Harrison, just to Tom Petty's left looks SO much like his Dad, George... and what about that outro solo that Prince plays? Unbelievable!!  Did you know that on the BeaTles' studio version of 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps,' Eric Clapton plays the outro part?  It was about this time that Eric Clapton also stole George Harrison's wife, Patti Boyd Harrison, away from him.  That marriage didn't last either, but George and Eric remained friends up until George's death... they referred to each other as 'Husbands~in~law...'  I guess it's good to have a sense of humor about things like that... no?

Harrison, a Gretsch, and Clapton

Hey! Where's Patti??

Patti who??

Nevermind...

___________

Some of my guitars...

Left to Right...

Fender Fretless Jazz Bass, Fender Jazz Deluxe, 

'63 Gretsch Bass, '74 Fender Jazz Bass

When I play out with friends, I tend to play bass... I am a better bassist I think...

Left to Right...

Gibson ES-347, Rogue Violin Bass, 

Epiphone Wildkat, Agile 820

...but... I do love to play the others as well...

I recently came very VERY close to becoming a couple of notches in some lipstick cases... maybe I'm better off with guitars...

Not that I'm opposed to becoming a notch in someone's lipstick case... 

she just needs to be worth it... you know?

~shoes~

"Tuesday Shiznits..."

Note: Speaking of stupid, it dawned on me while I was eating dinner with my brother tonight that today was Wednesday... Stupid is as stupid does... Grrrrr.....


... “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.” – Mr. Garrison, “South Park” ...

Mr. Garrison

Today was a frustrating day in class... I am teaching an Intro To Micro Economics this summer semester... the students started off great on the first test, and then on average, the exam scores slipped about 15 points on average for the second exam.


They aren't paying attention... the things they are missing are the things that I am stressing to them that they need to remember!

It had to do with a graph like this one... all they had to do was pay attention... and I told them to assume that 'Total Fixed Costs'  equal zero... nothing... we have no fixed costs...

... and about half way through what I was explaining to them, this one student asked me... 'Where'd you get the zero?'

... “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.” – Mr. Garrison, “South Park” ...

... comes to mind... I explained to her what my suppositions were... and she said, 'I know... but where did the zero come from?'

Sighs...

_______________

OK... just to humor me... more incidental porn photos...

Why do these 'lighthouses' look more like candy "packages?"

Eating something like that would be sure 

to scare the homophobe in any of us!

THIS landscaper has one twisted sense of humor!!

It would be even funnier if this were to be an 

office building housing a urology clinic.

This reminds me of a Seinfeld episode...

I wonder if there are any shaved ones in there?

You can toss your own salad??

I refuse to caption this one!!!!!

_______________

One a more serious note...

I posted yesterday about the married woman on campus... To 'Catch Her In The Wry,' I did NOT accept what she brought.  I did think that by accepting what she brought, that I would be encouraging her...

TK Kerouac suggested that this woman thinks I am a challenge... I got an phone call fro her this afternoon... she wanted to come by my office. I guess I am still harboring some resentment from the ex-gf in Austin... I got ugly with her... I got mean... I have to admit that I feel bad about it, but she just wouldn't accept my 'kind' refusals... and some of them weren't so kind...

Evidently you are BOTH right...

As to 'Austin', I de-friended her on FB as one of you suggested... evidently, today she discovered that I had done this, and she sent a 'Friend Request'...

I don't get it... I simply do NOT get it...

_______________

On a personal note... ten years ago today, my best friend, BARRY drowned in a most horrible accident.  I do not take my friendships lightly.  I still miss him so... he was the most wonderful friend...

~shoes~

"Residual Tequila Effect..."

I have really been on a tear here at the school this morning... bordering on being a smart ass... I wonder if this is an example of RTE  (Residual Tequila Effect)?


My colleague, Larry (Liam Neeson on Downers) showed up at work yesterday limping. This Dumbass Larry discovered he had an ingrown toenail and set out to perform self surgery.. a fukt up toe and $300 later, Larry is standing in the hallway talking to me... with some grody (sp?) looking shoe on his 'bad' foot and a sneaker on the other foot.

Disclaimer:  This is NOT Larry, but kind of resembles him...

To my knowledge, Larry has never whizzed himself in public...

... to my knowledge...

"Larry... why didn't you just wear the mate to the grody looking shoe so you would at least match?", I asked...


Larry looked at me with this incredulous look and replied... "I don't know... I didn't think about that..."


Larry is NOT an idiot... he is this brilliant quantitative guy that just can't operate at a common sense level... Poor guy... If I had been a betting person, I would have bet on attending this fellow's funeral long before I would ever attend Robert's...  He has a ton of medical issues a mile long.


Upon proof reading this, I find it intriguing that I measured Larry's medical issues by both weight AND distance... hmmm...

_______________

I have posted several times about a married woman on-campus here that's been pursuing me for the past four years.  I've been direct with this woman... I've been blunt... Hell, I've been ugly to her trying to get her to understand that "our getting together" just wasn't going to happen...


I had finished my class yesterday and was getting ready to go home for lunch... and she's standing in my office door.  Fuck...  She claims she has a piece of cheesecake for me and wants to leave it with me.  She says she saw me at Robert's visitation... and because I looked so upset, she just stayed away... Evidently, she couldn't stay away for long, because here she was...

Almost immediately, a secretary from 'down the hall' came into my office, and she and this woman started talking about this discovered affair between two university employees... they are both administrators and it's all over campus... These two women were just drooling with all of the facts and not-so-facts on this event... eventually, the secretary left to go back down to her office... and the stalker other woman sat down and just looked at me...


I looked  at her and said... 'Don't you see that this is the exact reason I could never get involved in something like this? It WOULD be discovered and it WOULD be all over campus!!!    I've been more than direct with her in the past... the reasons I've given her in the past have been, but not restricted to... (01) she's married to a policeman... and (02) I'm just not interested/attracted to her...


... but I didn't see the need to be that ugly this time.  The way these two salivated over the news of these other two people and my drawing her attention to it at least seemed to alleviate the problem for now...  for now...


If you've read my posts about my failing marriage and eventual divorce, this will make even more sense to you...


I swear... I seem to get into the damnedest  messes without trying that anyone I've ever known....

_______________

I must have been one sad looking puppy at Robert's visitation... I've had three people at the university tell me that they saw me, but I looked so bereft that they just didn't want to bother me... God.. how sad is THAT?!?!?!?!

_______________

Guess what?!?!?!

It's... Incidental Porn Time!!!!

or...

What The Fuck Were They Thinking?!?!?!?!?!

This is just SO riveting!!!

I wonder what the secret ingredient is for this maple syrup?

I wonder if it's the 'Johnson Syrup Company?'

This guy does seem to have pretty good form... no?

Golden Showers....

YIKES!!!!!

I'm thinking this drinking could become habit forming...

~shoes~

"Tequila Mockingbird..."

Well.... guess what I'VE been doing this evening?!?!?!?!?


It starts with a 'D' and involves Tequila!!!!


Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebirddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am realllly chapped... I wanted to include a video, but YOUTUBE has the embedding function disabled....


Sooooooo.... Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo...


But if you will click HERE, you will find it!!!!  Make sure you turn the sound on your speakers WAY up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was all excited about that movie someone told me about... 'Tequila Mockingbird..' But I sure was disappointed... absolutely no alcohol that I can remember in that movie...


BoyShoes called and wanted to go for margaritas... so we did...  he is totally insane... I have NO idea where the Hell he gets it from...

I wish I could make margaritas as nice as the ones where we went tonight were... We have this restaurant here in town named, 'Guadalajara'... but some time ago, BoyShoes and I renamed it 'Gargle A Hairball'... the food is great... we just tend to take things to the limit... and we affectionately refer to this place as the 'Hairball'...


I just read about some Watermelon Margaritas... and damn if that doesn't sound good...


My homemade margaritas really suck donkeys... not that I know what that is like... just sayin'...

Hey... look what I found?!?!?!?

It's a Nebraska Vibrator...

Obviously, its the 'ribbed' model...

I wonder if the Hairball delivers Margaritas... or if you can get them to go??

I have a sneaking suspicion that class is going to be Hell tomorrow... I hope I don't talk too loud...

Somebody misspelled "you're"

I thought he looked familiar...

Namasté

~shoes~