Monday, July 11, 2011

"Elvis..."

"Ode To Elvis"

Once upon a time, my good friend, BARRY  and I would go whitewater canoeing on the rivers in Western North Carolina... it was beautiful up there... 


Anyway, this one evening, the group that we went with decided that we would have a poetry night... We were each asked to write a poem and have it ready to read aloud after dinner.  I figured that there were going to be WAY too many poems about rivers and mountains and eddies... so being the dumbass different kind of person that I am, I decided to write about Elvis...


Are any of you familiar with a group called "Dread Zeppelin?"  If yes, then you understand why I am including a video here for your listening entertainment while you read further...



I can't quite remember exactly how the poem went, but I can recall it enough... most of it had to do with the incredulous disbelief that the King of Rock~N~Roll could be dead...


'Is Elvis dead?
Could he be dead??
Is this really true???
Could Elvis really be dead?
Does this bother you??'

Not the real Elvis...

And so it went... along these lines... and I perceived the tempo of the poem to be building towards this great peak... towards this great eruption...


'Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love...
There in Memphis~town...
Did Elvis really cash his chips all in
With his pants pulled completely down???'

Not the real Elvis...


As the story goes, Elvis was making pooh on his toilet, when he evidently strained too hard... and, Hell, I don't know, he either had a stroke, or  heart attack, or something... and keeled over dead... an EMT claimed he was face down and ass up in his bathroom...  Too bad there weren't digital cameras all over the place back then...
Zombie Elvis...


While looking this crap up researching this, I did find a link where it mentioned the frequency of fatal heart attacks while poohing... Note to self: No more poop straining...


Not the real Elvis...


The REAL Elvis...

Of Course, in reality,

Elvis was really cool...

~shoes~
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18 comments:

  1. Wine and WordsJuly 11, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    Oh Shoes! Not the "real Elvis" is just so wrong. Apparently I am just "so wrong" too. We all try are best though, don't we?

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  2. ZombieJuly 11, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    That zombie elvis is soo cool!! :D

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  3. Rubye JackJuly 11, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    Gawd, I don't know if this is simply totally gross or too funny. Okay, it's both.

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  4. UnknownJuly 11, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    Um, elvis #1 had the male version of camel toe.... I'm currently looking for a grapefruit spoon, so I can gouge my eyes out...

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  5. BBJuly 11, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    I can't believe the number of people that actually believe he's still alive. Unreal.

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  6. MaxJuly 11, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    Thank yuh...thank yuh very much. :-)

    No one was cooler.

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  7. shrink on the couchJuly 12, 2011 at 12:06 AM

    Elvis, Michael, Marilyn .. their fate leaves us appreciating our mediocrity.

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  8. BluezyJuly 12, 2011 at 3:41 AM

    I loved my Pinto..I had the one with the full window hatch back, but I liked that model in the video. I hated how you could see everything in the trunk in the hatchback version. Awesome video and post.

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  9. nitebyrdJuly 12, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    I was never an Elvis fan but I do think that was just such a miserable way to die.

    Gotta love the Zombie Elvis, I may just steal that!

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  10. Aunt CrazyJuly 12, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    Hey, it's Fat Elvis, which is kind of like Fat Jesus, only WAY freaking better!!!

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  11. red.neck chicJuly 12, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    I have a velvet Elvis... I think I'm going to use him as my window covering in my bathroom... right beside the toilet.

    Then he will serve as my reminder to not strain so hard.

    xoxoxo
    gobbles

    ReplyDelete
  12. Red ShoesJuly 12, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    @ Annie... We do try our best, don't we? :oD

    @ Zombie... I KNOW!! When I saw him, I thought of you and knew I needed to add him!

    @ Linda... I think you are right! On both accounts!!!

    @ Lost.In.Idaho... yep, yer right... it IS camel toe Elvis!

    @ Bouncin' Barb... Everyone has to have something to believe in ... no? :oD

    @ Max... VERUH much!!!

    @ Yogurt, I've come to embrace my dinkyness... :oD

    @ Bluezy... Those old pintos were the shiznits... weren't they? Thanks!!

    @ Nitebyrd... re: dying 'that way'... do you reckon that there was a 'great release?' Ha!!

    You are most welcome to steal that Zombie Elvis... :oD

    @ Aunt Crazy... Hey, Elvis and Jesus... the two biggest religions down here in the South!! :oD

    @ Gobbles... For some reason, I would suppose you are a BIG Elvis fan... ;o)

    ~shoes~

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  13. Cocaine PrincessJuly 12, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    I'm a huuuuge Elvis fan. Love his movies and songs and yes the real, original Elvis was COOL!!

    It's a little strange how many people believe The King is alive and well or they've claimed seeing him working at a car wash or busting tables at a diner.

    P.S. Never heard of Dread Zeppelin but I like the video. Thanks for posting.

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  14. AnonymousJuly 13, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    I lived in NC for 16 years after high school. I went to college at Appalachian State University in Boone, NC (in the mountains). NC is a very beautiful state both mountains and beaches. I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time in both places during my time there.

    Memphis is a "big city" but with a "small town heart" if u take the time to get involved in ur community. There are some very good Elvis impersonators. I meet a lot of them since I am downtown a lot. There are some really impressive ones. They really get into the dressing up and some of them are awesome singers.

    Memories of Barry. It is hard to lose a friend especially a friend to death because you know that for now u will never have that opportunity to speak with them or be with them again. I know as I lost my very good friend, Greg, to a tragic single car accident not but a week or so ago. I miss him greatly. He was a kind and considerate fellow. It has changed me forever--his death. U don't realize how important someone is to u until they leave u. It is especially hard to see someone so young in their life taken away. It is an unexpected feeling.

    I encourage anyone that has the opportunity to come visit Memphis. It has some great history, great music, great food and some awesome people.

    StormyDawn

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  15. Nancy/BLissed-Out GrandmaJuly 13, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    I had forgotten his mode of death. I do remember the scene from The Sopranos in which someone died that way. Citruscel, anyone?

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  16. Red ShoesJuly 14, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    @ Cocaine Princess... you are right, Early Elvis was SO cool!! 'Jail House Rock' was on the other night... it was so much fun to watch! As for people thinking that Elvis is still alive, Hell, there are still so many trying to look like him! I can see the confusion!! I like Dread Zeppelin... they were a fun take on some serious music!!

    @ Stormy... Memphis is also a Hood!! One would really have to be insane to venture into the Orange Mound area, I would think... But Memphis is a fun place....

    @ Blissed Out Grandma... someone on the Sopranos died that way? Hahaha!!! Yeah, I would think that would not be a very distinctive way to go! ;o)

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  17. SenoritaJuly 14, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    Holy Fucking Mooseknuckle, those fat Elvises are waaaay disturbing. One is parting the red sea with his inflated nutsac, and the other guy has a FUPA (Fat Upper Pubic Area) with a VPL (Visible panty line)

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  18. Cocaine PrincessJuly 15, 2011 at 12:17 AM

    His movies always bring a smile to my face.

    ReplyDelete

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