'Sex With A Ghost'

Henry Fuseli's "The Nightmare"

This post and joke is inspired by a post over at 'Ghost Hunting Theories,' that is hosted by AutumnForest. I have posted once before about being hooked on some of the ghost hunting shows on TV...


Anyway...


There was a seminar on "Psychic Phenomena" going on here at Alluvial Flood Plain State University, when the speaker decided to involve the audience. 


He first asked, "Everyone who believes in ghosts, please stand up." 


Well, nearly the entire audience stood up.


Then he asked, "Everyone who seen a ghost, please remain standing."


About  1/2 of the people sat down... He then asked, "Everyone who has ever had a close encounter with a ghost, please remain standing." 


About 2 dozen people remained standing. He then asked how many people had been in the same room as a ghost and 6 people were still standing.


Finally he asked, "Anyone who has ever had SEX with a ghost, please remain standing." 


Everyone sat down except this one man.


The speaker was astonished. He said that in all of his years of asking these questions, this was the first time that anyone had ever admitted to having had sex with a ghost, and he asked again as to if he had REALLY had sex with a ghost, the guy replied, "Oh, I'm sorry... I thought you said GOAT."  

The End...

~shoes~

'RedShoes... Revisited...'

I have been reading back through my blog... much like how I read back through my journals... reading what I have in the past... what has happened.  I am amazed that anyone reads this stuff.... I write about things I experience... things I feel... things that happen...  I'm amazed...


Anyway, I want to re-post this one from back in November, 2009.  
___________________________







I teach at a small regional university in the Mississippi Delta. Over the years that I have taught here, I have noticed many ‘professors’ that take themselves WAY too seriously… as a means of reminding myself to not do the same, I started wearing Red Converse Chuck Taylor tennis shoes on my teaching days… I referred to them as my “teaching shoes.”

Profs should be allowed some leeway in their teaching methods… do what they need to do (within reason) to reach the students. Since we didn’t have a dress code, I thought this would be a great way for me to accomplish my objective…

I had been wearing this type of shoe for almost ten years. On the Monday before the Spring semester started in 2000, I was called into the Dean’s Office. Getting summoned to that place is similar to being called to the Principal’s Office when in high school… I tried to recall what, if anything, I had done that could have been the least bit borderline ‘wrong.’

The Dean looked like a cross between Colonel Sanders and Poppa Smurf… to make a long story short, he was an asshole… and I am sure he still is.

I went to the Dean’s Office with my Division Chair… and was given a letter of reprimand for wearing my red shoes to work. He told me that he had told me “many times” that he didn’t want me wearing them. He had never told me to not wear them… “They are NOT professional looking!!” he exclaimed!!! Never mind he was the owner/operator of one of the world’s WORST looking hair pieces… That bastard had a lot of gall… a lot of nerve!!!
I have always been a good judge of character… always seemed to make pretty decent decisions for which battles to fight… which ones to let go… Like Kenny Rogers used to sing… you “gotta know when to fold em… know when to fold em…”

The next week, the small campus newspaper had a brief mention of what had happened… the dean was FURIOUS with me… he called me back into his office… “You didn’t tell anyone about this, did you???”

Of course, I did.. the students wanted to know why I wasn’t wearing my red shoes anymore. They wanted an answer… it wasn’t a secret… besides, I DID get the reprimand…

Any way… I love my red shoes. They define who I am, I think. Red is the color of passion… and I like to think that I am passionate about Life… about my work… about Love…
A few years later, we got a new dean… and one day he walked past one of my classrooms… stopped… came back and motioned for me to come out into the hallway… he asked me if I still owned my red shoes… “of course, I do!” !” He nodded his head and said, “Well... its ok for you to wear them again… I asked him why… and he said it “just is”… I asked him for a letter to place in my folder that said I could wear them along with the one that said I couldn’t… I got the letter and I started wearing the shoes again…

Back in the Spring, I was driving home from a trip to Madison, MS when I came upon a highway patrol roadblock. After a quick mental inventory, I knew that I had my Drivers License, that my inspection sticker and tag were current, and that I had my insurance card. I handed the patrolman the DL… he looked at it, handed it back to me… told me to be careful… and then he said… “wait a minute… let me see that again…”

Ferque!!!!! My DL was expired… he told me to pull off to the side of the road.. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..

That patrolman walked over to a group of others patrolmen who were standing around talking… and he handed my DL to one of the officers… he took my DL, looked at it, and started writing the ticket… he walked behind my vehicle to get the tag number, and then went to sit in his cruiser while he finished the ticket… I was ready to go… I was unhappy with myself for not checking my expiration on my license… I look to see what he’s doing… he’s on his cell phone… dammit man, come on!!! I’m ready to get home!!!

He finally gets out of his car… does the highway patrolman strut over to my car… and says to me… “I have one more question for you… Are you wearing your red shoes today?”

“WTF?!?!?!?!” I looked at him and asked…”WHAT?!?!?!”

He said… “I need to know if you are wearing your red shoes???”

I tell him no, and then ask… "how do you know about my red shoes???"

He started laughing… said he recognized my name, and saw the university decal on the back of my vehicle… and told me that his wife had taken several of my classes… that all he ever heard about was some teacher with red shoes and how much fun they had in class…

Its amazing how stories follow us around…

Thank You, Jessica!!

Look what I got!  Not too long ago, Jessica, formerly of Have We Met, and now at Smedette held a drawing where she was going to give away  a subscription to "Cook's Illustrated" magazine... And I WON!! YAY!!!!!!


Once upon a time when I was married, as the relationship was disintegrating, I became more responsible for cooking so my kids could eat dinner at a reasonable time. Maybe I should have been cooking long before... I really don't identify tasks and responsibilities according to gender...


Anyway... I love to cook... I wish I cooked more than I do... it's just sometimes, cooking for one can be a bummer... I err on the side of sometimes making too much, and having to throw some away because it spoils before I can use it.


I love to use cast iron ware...  I have one of these...

I like to use it for Jambalaya...  it's SO good for that!!  I use Zatarain's mix...

 

Along with the boxed mix, I like to add smoked sausage and chicken... along with green peppers, onions, tomatoes, celery... I think it is SO good... and pretty much just follow the instructions...


In addition, the magazine includes tips on marinades and grilling sauces, information about pans, and this particular edition rates measuring cups... I've always used Anchor Hocking measuring cups, and according to this issue, the measurements of the Anchor Hocking can be off a good 14%!  


However, I doubt I will find THIS recipe in 'Cook's Illustrated!'





Anyhoo, Jessica... thank you VERY much for this great subscription! I so look forward to the future issues!! BTW, I DID get a rice maker!! Thank you!!!

~cooking shoes~

"I'm Really  Pissed Now..."

I've waited patiently all of this time...  I mowed my yard this afternoon... replaced some fence standards... all excited about what would happen later in the day...


Ever since I was  Little BoyShoes... I've had a great fascination about dinosaurs...


I am really disappointed... quite let down, as a matter of fact...


It's been all over the news... it has been SO built up... and now I sit greatly dejected...

Day of The Raptor, my ass...

I was SO ready to see a bunch of dinosaurs running around... *sighs*


Of course, maybe that's the explanation for dinosaur extinction... maybe, just maybe, there was a Jurassic Rapture...


Imagine what it could have been like had Hitler had scientists that were able to decode dinosaur DNA... and he actually had a Jurassic Park Military unit in WWII... to Hell with those panzer tank divisions... he could have unleashed his Raptors...

(does that raptor have an erection?)

The next thing I know... some of you are going to tell me that there's no such things as Zombies...

(how's that for continuity?)

~shoes~

"When The Levee Breaks... Part II"

In my last post, I found and linked to an old blues song... 'When The Levee Breaks...' 

I became curious about what other blues songs were inspired by the flood of 1927... It appears that there are quite a few...

For example, this one from BarBeQue Bob...

In this song, he describes losing his woman in the flood... I don't know how true it is, but as someone pointed out in those comments of the previous post, most blues are written about heart break or bad news...

Bird Song Camp

Lunch Time

Cleveland, MS

This song, by Big Bill Broonzy, is about the Ohio River flooding, but it works because it  does flow into the Mississippi...

Some of the songs were inspired by people who actually experienced the flood... others by performers who just thought it would make a great song...

 In this photo, it is easy to tell by how much the river is out of its banks... the normal channel is delineated by the willow trees on either sido of the river.

Charley Patton, "High Water Everywhere..." Charlie sings of going to Rosedale... which is what I did yesterday...  "Where is Rosedale?" you might ask... well... look...

The levee is right next to Rosedale... and the river is up about 15 feet on the levee there... Look at the distance on the map that Rosedale is from the main river channel.  Long ago, Rosedale was a port city... but the river changed course... and that was the end of its growth opportunity...

Rosedale shows up in the lyrics of another song that I bet you have all heard before...

If you don't recognize that version, I bet you know THIS one! Embedding is disabled, but if you will click HERE, you can hear it...

I'm going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
I'm going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
You can still barrelhouse, baby, on the riverside.

I remember at the time... damn, those guys from England are singing about Rosedale!!  I had no clue that they were covering an old Robert Johnson song...


Anyhoo... the river has crested... it will takes WEEKS for the water to recede, so the danger really isn't over yet... the levees are doing their job... The Mississippi will crest Tuesday, I believe, in Vicksburg at 57'... a record over the 1927 level. But not really. In 1927, the levees broke, and much of the water that should  have flowed into the Gulf went into the Mississippi Delta instead. It is estimated that had the levees held, the river level would have been about 67 feet...


Let's see... what have I left out...

Oh yeah... kink... let's see... I think spanking would be a blast... giving... ropes would definitely be fun... sex in public places...


How's that for starters??

~shoes~

' When The Levee Breaks...'

'If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break...

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break...
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay. '

The Great Mississippi River Flood of 1927 caused a great upheaval... and, par for the course, many songs were written about it... the most notable is the song that Led Zeppelin covered back in 1971... this song was actually written and first recorded in 1929 by Kansas Joe McCoy, and his wife, Memphis Minnie (pictured below)... Led Zeppelin later had to acknowledge that they had ripped off many lyrics from old bluesmen, but I digress...

'Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, 

Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.'

I live in the Mississippi Delta... and the Mississippi River is just about 18 miles over that~a~way (points West that~a~way).  My GrandDad was living here back in 1927 when the levee broke... 

Since I came along late in my parents' lives, my GrandDad was long gone, but Dad would tell me stories about "The Flood of '27."

'All last night sat on the levee and moaned...

All last night sat on the levee and moaned...
Thinkin' about me baby and my happy home. '

'Lake Village, AR'

'Bird Song Camp'

'Cleveland, MS'

'Greenville, MS'

Dad told me when I was younger, that inmates from Parchman Prison Farm were used to shore up the levee in suspected weak spots... and that a few were known to have died while the work was being performed... and that they were buried inside of the levee... I wonder...

'Leland, MS'

I had been of the opinion that if the levees were to give, that I would still be safe... but given that Leland is about 30 miles due south of here, I may need to rethink that idea... of course, where the water from such a flood goes is a function of where the levee breaches... in that regard, Cleveland was lucky.

'The River Wall at Vicksburg, MS...'

Contrast the water level on the left with the lumber stacked on the right...

'Scott, MS'

I remember, as a child, that when I would go places with my Dad, he was always generous with his money when he would pass someone collecting for the Salvation Army, but he would never give to The American Red Cross... I eventually asked Dad about this practice, and his response was that Grand Dad suffered great losses during the flood, and that the Red Cross wouldn't assist him, but that the Salvation Army did... Dad never forgot, and Dad paid much more over the years than I am sure that the Salvation Army gave Grand Dad in terms of support.

This photo is of the I-40 Bridge in Memphis, TN.  The 'normal' lay of the Mississippi River is between the arches of the bridge. On average, the Mississippi River is 1/2 miles wide at this point.  The Corp of Engineers estimate the width of the River now to be almost 3 miles wide.


The Mississippi River has been so romanticized by history and writers... When Dad would take us over to the river on Sunday drives, I would always imagine that I could see Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer out on a raft...  I can so understand why so many are taken by it... It is something to behold...


But I do worry about so many who have lost so much... and those who have this damage coming their way...

~shoes~

Post Script:  Wine and Words asked about whether there was any recording of Memphis Minnie and Kansas Joe McCoy's original version of 'When The Levee Breaks'...  Look what I found...

~shoes~

A Weekend In NOLA...

Guess what I did this past weekend?

You know... if I could do anything I wanted, I would love to be a professional musician... I just LOVE music... I just FEEL it when it plays... but much like being any kind of an artist, one needs to be able to provide for a family, pay the bills, and stuff like that...


So... instead, I helped run my family's scrap metal recycling business... and then I became a stock broker... but really felt I found 'home' when I became a teacher...

Anyway... I digress...

Who did I get to hear and see??


I've never been a really BIG fan of Jimmy Buffet, but I have ALWAYS loved this song...



I just go back to easier times (or so it seems...)  plus, it mentions San Francisco... God, I love San Francisco... 


This seems to be much of an atypical Buffet song... he played one of the main stages on Saturday...


Another musician I got to see and hear was Marcia Ball... This is a great example of what happens when East Texas blues meets Louisiana  swamp music...

She makes me want to DANCE!!!  And you know how sad it is when a white man feels like dancing!!


I met her a few years ago when she and a host of other musicians were playing at 'Ground Zero' in Clarksdale, MS... after her set, she came up to the bar where I was sitting, sat down, and let me buy her a drink... and we talked about music and the Mississippi Delta... it was quite a treat for a wanna~be musician like me...


I was at another venue listening to the musician I am going to mention next, when she walks right by me... she stops and says, 'I recognize you, but I don't remember your name...' and we talked for a few moments... I explain to her how we met...


She wears skirts on stage... and plays with her legs crossed... and you can tell when she is really feeling the stage because that leg really gets to kicking!!!


The musician I was watching when I saw Marcia Ball was Jessie Winchester... he is another performer that just takes me back to those places...   This is possibly my mostest, most favoritest Jessie Winchester song EVER!!!!!

'Twigs and seeds...' I mean, we've all been there... haven't we???

I've always loved his music... his voice... he also played this one...

I'm in a totally different place and mood today from where I was yesterday when I posted... I feel more retrospective... introspective... wistful...

It's amazing... the power that music has... it can transport us across time in a moment's notice...

~shoes~

a black shoes post...

A Big Case Of 'Fuck it"

Well... the semester is over...

I came into the office today to clean the desk, toss out shiznit, and generally just to decompress... This place is a source of great tension, and at this point of the semester, I just wanna come in and crash... and be in the environment without having to worry about anything that needs to be done, worked on, listened to...

There are two big issues (to them, anyway)... that's playing out on campus today...

The email that is flying would give ulcers to a dead person... and it's all of this stupid ranting and raving and jockeying for position on the issues... a academic pissing contest...  I promptly deleted ALL of the emails and said...

I wonder why my computer doesn't have one of those?

One top of that, a three-day workshop has been scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of this week... we profs are officially off the clock... who scheduled this piece of shit??

Oddly enough, I am starting to feel better now... Did you see that study that was recently released that stated that cussing DOES allow one to feel better! Especially if that person doesn't cuss a great deal??

If I was an anteater, that would be my mind set...  of course, If I was a snapping turtle, that would probably be my mindset as well...

These dildos could be related to Stoner...

Did Bob Dylan write this 'fuck you' rant? It sounds like it could be one of his songs...

I wonder what it sounds like when BobDylan says, 'fuck you?" I bet it has more than just two syllables... just sayin'...

Man, THAT the truth!?!?!?! Any time... any woman ever told me to 'just don't worry about it,' I fucking worried about it!!!!!!!!! 

Fucking Know~it~alls...

~shoes~

"Sex..."

Now that I have your attention...


God I am SO glad this semester is over... 'Stoner' DID come back and take the exam... as I suspected, he did not benefit from having had the exam in his hands for the best part of an hour...

I've half way made a decision on a new career field... I'm either going to become a brain surgeon or a proctologist... after having googled "assholes", I've decided to become a brain surgeon...

It seems that a great part of being an asshole is self awareness... I am working harder on that aspect of being me...

Now that I have that out of my system, I then  looked at 'brain' images'...

Guess what I found??

I knew I was on the right path!!!

I also discovered the basic differences between the Male and Female brain...

Who woulda thunk it...???

Hmmm... are the sex areas large enough??

Hmmm... I'm thinking "connect the dots" could be a great deal of fun...

That kind of reminds me of a gal I used to date that always wanted me to screw her in the ear... every time I'd try to put it in her mouth, she would turn her head to the side...

'Stoner' in 10 years... maybe...

I think I made the right decision...

Maybe...

~shoes~