Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"Fukken Pigs..."

I'm not quite sure where this post originated...  maybe it has something to do with my mental state... my inner psyche...  or just simply the fact that I am fucked up...



I'm not exactly sure why I remembered this 'fact' this afternoon... but I remember reading somewhere that pig penises (penii??)  are shaped like cork screws...

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!




Ladies... would you have sex with a man if his penis was shaped like that corkscrew there? I mean, look at the end on that thing?!?!?! I would think the old 'pile-driving' maneuver would become ever so painful!!!


Evidently, former President Clinton sports one... YIKES!!!!!!!!




Hmmm... that guy looks kinda like John Holmes... no?


When did the 'corkscrew' become a phallic symbol? Hell, I'm a guy and it seems painful to ME...




Maybe this is where the usage of the word, 'pork' became a verb for sex... Oddly enough, it DOES look like a pig... no?  And why doesn't Porky Pig wear a shirt and pants?  I mean, a tie and a jacket... he looks like he may be a valet in some kind of Pig Porkin' Sex Club or something... and if you study the photo, Porky does NOT have a corkscrew shaped penis...


I've discovered a phrase, "Porky Piggin' It"... and it relates to one hangs around his house pants-less... I have to admit to having done this on a rather regular basis...


I wonder if my desire to "Porky Pig It" goes back to my childhood... when I saw Porky Pig on a regular basis walking around essentially naked... Hmmm... It may explain a great deal!!!!


This guy has a penis shaped like a pig... however, it doesn't appear that the pig's head is all that 'full'... if'n you know what I mean...


Charley Brown doesn't seem to have a corkscrew-shaped penis... or a pig shaped penis... but given the scale of that thing, Charley is quite 'hung'...


Poor guy... he's losing his big head AND his little head...
______________


Now... if that wasn't twisted enough.. consider THIS!!!


Not only do pigs supposedly have a corkscrew-shaped penis, but their orgasms also last thirty ( 30 ) minutes!!!!  I am SOOOOOOO FUKKENNNN Jealous!!!!!!!


I have to admit that I've been called a 'pig' by a few women, but I don't think it had anything to do with thirty-minute orgasms or corkscrew-shaped penis...


I wonder... is it just the male pig that has the thirty minute orgasm, or does the female get to participate as well?  If not, I would think things would be rather 'Boaring" for her...


... and if a pig has a corkscrew-shaped penis, does it take him thirty minutes to unwind?? Inquiring minds want to know!!!!!


And maybe now, we better understand why someone squeals like a 'stuck pig!!!!'


OUCH!!!!!!!


Hmmm.... he doesn't appear to have a corkscrew-shaped penis... and appears to be too large!!!!




For some reason... I don't think I will ever view '69' quite the same...




Makin' Bacon!! or... Sex Education, The Early Years...


I'm not quite sure what comes to mind here...???
'Hard up' or 'Desperate?'


Oink, Oink, Baby...

Hell.. this was going to be about corkscrew-shaped penises and thirty-minute-orgasms... and the thing just took on a life of its own...

~shoes~
Posted by at

25 comments:

  1. Amethyst AnneSeptember 14, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    *Snort*
    You are very punny today!
    psst.. I finally did that thing with the thing that didn't involve a corkscrew shaped penis you gave me a while back.
    But I'd be in for a 30 minute orgasm.

    ReplyDelete
  2. red.neck chicSeptember 14, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    i think the corkscrew would require some oinkment...

    would the 30 minutes for both parties qualify 'em for the olympigs? those wouldn't be boaring...

    you're a real ham... c'mere

    now.

    hogs and kisses,
    gobbles

    ReplyDelete
  3. JessicaSeptember 14, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    Someone's in a mood today!

    ReplyDelete
  4. RobinSeptember 14, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    Something tells me that you got lucky last night.

    30 minutes. Huh. If that is the case I'm surprised they spend so much time rolling in mud by themselves. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The mad woman behind the blogSeptember 14, 2010 at 5:55 PM

    You sir, have entirely too much TIME on your hands. This just may make up for the use of the word "huggles"...I may or may not have spied you using elsewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownSeptember 14, 2010 at 6:24 PM

    I can't get past 30 minute orgasm. Corkscrew what??

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  7. CharleneSeptember 14, 2010 at 6:55 PM

    My husband grew up on a farm where they raised pigs. I've visited and they do not have a corkscrew shaped penis. If you find a live one [I don't trust pictures from the net] and two witnesses [notary swearing required here] I might ask his dad, but I'm not calling him at the nursing home and asking him if a domestic swine have corkscrew penis!

    I think you're drinking too many beers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JaimeSeptember 14, 2010 at 8:41 PM

    i may have mentioned this before... but i'm not thrilled about the idea of a corkscrew penis, but i'm all for that 30 minute orgasm

    and what is with the use of "huggles" ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. SenoritaSeptember 14, 2010 at 10:34 PM

    O.M.G.... Shoesies you make me laugh !

    You know what other animal has a corkscrew penis ? A duck !

    Thanks for the laugh !

    ReplyDelete
  10. Christine MacdonaldSeptember 15, 2010 at 7:00 AM

    I want bacon now. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  11. red.neck chicSeptember 15, 2010 at 8:33 AM

    upon further review i have decided to make this call:

    you sir, are a pig.

    yours truly,
    (more hogs and kisses go here)
    gobbles.

    ReplyDelete
  12. HeffSeptember 15, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    I probably SHOULDN'T be mentioning this, but I once saw a "film" called barnyard follies.

    Pigs DO have "cockscrews". I don't know if the woman enjoyed it, BUT THE PIG SURE DID !!!

    And next time for Pre-Sexual entertainment, try a nasty version of THIS game INSTEAD of strip-poker. YOU'LL BE MAKIN' BACON LIKE A PRO !

    http://www.passthepigs.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. magnoliaSeptember 15, 2010 at 9:58 AM

    wow. just... wow. :) thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    Shoes you about killed me man. That was freakin' hysterical. I have heard the same thing about the 30 minutes but my guess is it's only for the male because something tells me they aren't into caring if the female is pleased or not. Animals do dictate real life at times :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. BathwaterSeptember 15, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    It is amazing where your mind wanders when you have to much time. You need more hobbies.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Diva's ThoughtsSeptember 15, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    Sometimes I wonder where your mind goes sometimes. lol

    ReplyDelete
  17. Red ShoesSeptember 15, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    @ Amethyst Anne... thank you! I agree, 30 minute orgasms would be quite a blast... no pun intended...

    @ Red.neck.chic. You are cornier than I am with some of your puns... LMAO...

    @ Jessica.. Yeah, I was in a mood yesterday!!!!

    @ Robin.. nope, no luck the night before I wrote this... nor was I lucky last night... That kind of luck seems to come in spells... ;o)

    @ Maddie... yeah, 'huggles' is a favorite word of mine... they are considered to be hugs taken to the next level... whatever it is I mean by that... :o)

    @ PeeDee... I agree... imagine doing THAT for 30 minutes!!! :oD

    @ Charlene.. actually, I'm not much of a beer drinker... but I do like occasional margaritas, martinis, and glasses of wine... :oD

    @ Jaime... I agree on the 30-minute orgasm being a plus and the corkscrew penis being a HUGE negative!

    @ Senorita... I didn't know that about a duck!!! I hope you have a great trip!!! Be careful and be safe!!!

    @ Christine... bacon!!! Yum!!!!!!!!!

    @ Red.Neck.Chic... Me? A pig?? YES!!! Oink Oink!!

    @ Heff... OMG!?!?!?! LOLOLOLOL

    @ Magnolia... you are quite welcome!! If you really wanted to laugh, if you could see my bottom lip right now, you would be hysterical!!!

    @ Just Another Girl... maybe that's where the idea of men acting like pigs come from then!!! All we... er.. they care about is their own satisfaction!

    @ Bathwater... The main hobby I have, I have WAY too much money invested in it!! I have a couple of rather high-end guitars... and would like to get back into photography... and that's not cheap either!! I hope all is well in your neck of the woods!!

    @ Tee... it's quite interesting to spend time inside my head... ;o) :oD

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just telling it like it isSeptember 15, 2010 at 5:31 PM

    That was just a little disturbing...but good to know

    ReplyDelete
  19. UBERMOUTHSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:06 PM

    I know the female pig[ a sow] has 30 minute orgasms[so yes, I'd be fine with a corkscrew shaped penis] but I am not so certain boy pigs get to orgasm that long. Maybe theire pleasure is in the giving[and bragging to the other farmyard animals]?

    ReplyDelete
  20. HeffSeptember 16, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    Lol ! Bring it home, Ubermouth !!

    ReplyDelete
  21. nitebyrdSeptember 16, 2010 at 9:25 AM

    Wow! Way more than I ever wanted to know about pigs but entertaining as hell! Perhaps cutting back on caffeine could help. ;)

    Donald Duck doesn't wear pants either. I have no idea what kind of penises ducks have.

    ReplyDelete
  22. IndiSeptember 16, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    OK so now I've just gone off ever wantin to eat a bacon butty ever again!!!


    Indi


    xx

    ReplyDelete
  23. Red ShoesSeptember 17, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    @ Darn Girl... hmmm... in just WHAT way was that disturbing?? ;o) Tell me!!

    @ Ubermouth... Sounds just like a male animal to go and give a female animal an orgasm, and THEN brag all over the barnyard about it... NO? ;o)

    @ Heff... Ubermouth has done gone and drawn a line in the barnyard... hasn't she??

    @ Nitebyrd... Senorita up there said that ducks also have a corkscrew-shaped penis... I have a file of Donald Duck having an orgasm that is funny as Hell but I don't know how to post it... LOLOL

    @ Indi... I don't believe that for a moment!!!

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete
  24. StacyonthecouchSeptember 21, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    hilarious ... yes, that guys pig head is a wee-bit empty ... I think I'm having pork chops for dinner!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Red ShoesSeptember 21, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    @ Stacy... yeah, some he needs some padding or something there... hmmm... and you are having pork chops? or a pork roll?? ;o)

    Inquiring minds, you know...

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)