"Masturbation..."

Ahem...  now that I have your attention...
I never really know where my next inspiration is going to arise...
Damn... that sounds masturbatory in its own right...
For some reason, I got to thinking about the different names that men use for masturbation.
For your self-gratification I offer...


'Adjusting the sundial...'     'back stroke roulette...'   'beating the bishop...'  'bopping the bologna...'   'blowing your load...'   'buffing the banana...'   'burp the worm...'  'choking Kojak...'

Touch yourself HERE for this video that couldn't be embedded...

I don't want anybody else,
And when I think about you I touch myself.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, aah.

'Chroming the dome...'   'churning the foreskin butter...'    'choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come...'   'cranking the two-stroke engine...'cuffing the carrot...' 'draining the monster...'   'fishing for zipper trout...'  'fisting your mister...'fondling the fig...'  'frosting the pastries...'

'going blind...'    'grabbing the gorilla...'   'hammering the love steak...'  'hitch-hiking to heaven...'   'holding the sausage hostage...'   'jamming with Elvis...'  'making glue...'  'shaking hands with Shorty...'  'milking the one-eyed Willy...'

Down in the pleasure centers,

Hell bent of heaven sent,

Listen to the propaganda,

Listen to the latest slander,

There's nothing underhand,

That she wouldn't understand...

Pump it up until you can feel it.

Pump it up when you don't really need it.

~Elvis Costello~

Of course, I would be SO sexist if I ignored the ladies... 

'A night with the girls...'   'brushing the beaver...'   'creamin'...'   'dialing the rotary phone...'   'fiddling the bean...'   'finger painting...'   'gagging the clam...'   'hitch-hiking south...'    'muffin buffin'...'    'paddling the pink canoe...'   'tickling the little man in the boat...'

I may be turning Japanese, but you will have to click HERE to see this video...

I've got your picture, I've got your picture,

I'd like a million of you all around my cell.

I want a doctor to take your picture,

So I can look at you from inside as well.

You've got me turning up and turning down,

and turning in and turning 'round,

I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese.

~shoes~