I've posted several times about my Grand Mother Brown...
Grand Mother Brown, my Dad, Curtis, and my Aunt Winnie...
I posted here... about traveling to Southern Illinois to visit my Dad's home town and from where our family as I know it originated... I also referenced Grand Mother Brown here...
I mentioned how sad Dad felt for not having her headstone engraved the way it should have been... for being a youngster when his Mom died... and having had an absent Dad himself, I though he did well...
The head stone he purchased simply had her name and the years of her birth and death...
Mary J Brown
1868 1929
A year or so before he died, Dad wanted to go 'home' one last time... and I wrote about how he wished he had put her whole name... and the month and date of the day on which his Mom was born and died... he wanted it to be 'more complete'...
I told Dad not to worry about it... that I would take care of it...
In between the time that I made the promise to Dad and I actually did it, a great deal of time passed... and I have been angry with myself for not having taken actions to do this on a more timely basis... but the fact of the matter is that I just didn't do it... until last August...
I wrote in the above cited link about how the stone worker said he could put the information on the headstone...
It should have looked like this when he finished the work...
Mary J Brown
June 28 Jan 10
1868 1929
Mary Jane Coles Brown
I received an email this morning acknowledging that the work had been completed... and the headstone looks like this...
I dont mind the 'font' being different... but... he didn't do what he said he would do... what he promised to do... and I feel let down by his actions...
I have a copy of the work order at home... I will have to find it and see exactly what it says... but this isn't what I wanted for her...
It does show that she isn't buried alone... and belongs to the number of 'Coles' that are buried next to her...
... but... this isn't what we agreed on...
I feel that anything I would further have done to the headstone would just make it look so... so... I don't know... "not-well-thought-out."
Am I over-reacting? Is this ok?? It's not like what has happened can be erased... I wanted what my Dad had done so many years ago to remain... and just have that information 'augmented'...
I am leaning towards buying another headstone... or more correctly, a foot stone... that has the information correctly spaced...
Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?? I feel so 'unsettled' by this...
Why? Why is this bothering me so?? I've written about this 'relationship' with Grandmother Brown... and how at times, I wonder if I am her reincarnate?
Tell me your thoughts...
*sighs*
~shoes~
I personally think that the headstone looks fine and contains all of the pertinent information.
ReplyDeleteI do understand how upset you are though because if they messed up my mothers plaque on her grave I would go balistic.
I think it looks good though and you really should not worry.
It's obvious some information was added later to the headstone and I can see why you're upset with the handiwork.
ReplyDeleteIt also seems you're more "unsettled" by not being able to fulfill a promise made to your father; although I think you did, it just may not be up to a standard that you originally pictured.
But, I am not in a position to comment on (good) parent-child relations. What will make you feel at peace with the situation?
I understand why you are upset, she is your grandmother, and on some level you equate not completing this task in the time and manner that you had hoped, with not loving her enough.
ReplyDeleteYou should not be so hard on yourself, for one. Your grandma is not in that grave, her spirit is elsewhere. I am sure she doesn't even care. How do you think that she would feel knowing that you are beating yourself up like this over a headstone ?
Also, just do what you can to correct the situation as best as you can. That is the only way you will feel better. I could tell you to not be so hard on yourself, but that would just fall on deaf ears. The reality is, you won't feel better until you buy a new headstone or correct the situation to your liking.
Of course you can buy a new stone and take that work order with you when you go show the stone mason who messed it up. Then tell him he can re-carve the new one, verify it is correct and place the stone where it belongs, FREE.
ReplyDeleteYou could leave the stone as it is; which perfectly adequate.
Are you going to be buried there? If so you could also get your stone pre-done with an arrow pointing to your grandmother's stone and your stone could say: here lies the guy who tried to fix this messed up stone! Every year on the date of her birth your mutual relatives could gather there where you would be disparaged for not doing a good enough job to get the stone fixed!
No. Get a new stone. You'll rest quieter on the couch.
shoes: If you had a work order that was signed by him, then he should pay for the new stone and do the engraving as originally ordered. If he's a legitimate business, he should have insurance that will pay for any incident such as this. The coverage is called completed operations insurance. It would pay all costs to rectify his mistake.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself. These things cost money, but for what? If it helps you feel better, just get a new one done. It's not worth getting into a battle/argument.
ReplyDeleteget it fixed. for sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your thoughts... more than anything, I guess I was curious as to if I was 'over-reacting'...it wasn't that I was angry or mad about what happened... I knew what I wanted done... I knew what he was supposed to do... I wanted it to be 'perfect'... I had contracted with this fellow back in August to do this... and he said he would do it either in September or October... I guess his memory of what I wanted done got "cold"... but if that's the case, he had my phone #... my e-mail... he should have double checked...
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I think I know what I will ask him to do...
@ Charlene... I LOVE that about the arrow!!! HAHAHAHA... Thats WONDERFUL... that sounds like something I would DO!
~shoes~
Shoes, I am pretty sure in my heart that Grandmother Brown is tenderly impressed with your initial effort to honor her with a more comprehensive headstone. If I may be so bold, where she is now, stones with markings are prioritized way down on the list of important things with which to be concerned. Plant some Queen Anne's Lace there with some black-eyed susans and daisies. From her picture, I feel she was a practical woman with a hearty, maybe even salty, sense of humor who loved wildflowers.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Catch Her in The Wry.
ReplyDeleteThe man did not do his job correctly, and if He was going to alter the engraving and there was a price difference, He should have called you before deciding to change anything himself.
This is the exact reason I can't stand most people without work ethic. The problem is, it wasn't his grandmother, so He didn't give a shit enough to do the job right.
You have every right to be pissed, and every right to get the product you wanted free of charge now.
You are too nice. I would have taken that stone and cracked it over the guy's skull until He did the job right.
I'm late to the conversation but I'm adding my deux centimes anyway:
ReplyDeleteI say take the work order and use that lovely assertive communication skill of the "broken record" and state what was ordered, the problem with the result and what you want: a new stone at no charge.
Then, I'd take the old stone and put it in some really special spot in your garden as a frequent reminder that you are good for your word and that you made sure that everyone - dad, grandmother and you - was honored when all was said and done.
Over-reacting? Not at all. Good luck in navigating to a satisfying outcome. I imagine you'll keep us all posted, yes?
Gabby
@ Linnn... you are right... I am sure she is ok with it... totally... and I love the idea about the plants and all... I think I will do that when school is out... thank you for a great idea!!!
ReplyDelete@ Shelly... I agree... I met with him in August '09... and he told me he would get to it either in September or October... and instead, it was April... not that it was urgent or anything, but he had certainly forgotten what we had discussed... and probably thought it wouldnt make me any difference... If I had waited that long... and had forgotten exactly what was agreed upon, I would have made a phone call or sent an email...
@ Gabby... what a coincidence... I just happen to have great need for deux centimes... ;o)
You know what would bother me about moving the old headstone to my garden?? The fact that when I am no longer here, my kids won't respect or care about it... nor should they... it's not their burden... What I really wanted this guy to do was amend it the way we agreed...
Yes... I will keep you posted... Thank you for your comment...
~shoes~