"Mothers' Day, Revisited..."

I was thinking about what to say for Mothers' Day... and decided to revisit an older post on her.  I decided that there was nothing to add... nothing more to say...

So, I want to share this with you once again... I thought about deleting the last part of the post, but thought, no, I would include all of it.

I  love you so,  Mom.  I would have loved knowing your Mother as well... as I would have adored knowing my Grandmother Brown, Mary Jane Coles Brown...

I missyou each and EVERY day...

______________________________

I had great plans about a 'Mother's Day' post that I wanted to make... I found some photos of my Mom that I wanted to include... but they just didn't scan... 

This really isn't me pouting... but I think it gets the point across...

I've posted about my Mom before... about how much I love her... how much I miss her... I still can't believe that she's been gone as long as she has...


I know I am highly biased, but I think I had the bestest Mom in the whole wide world... but, if you have a wonderful Mom, please PLEASE feel free to disagree with me... after all,  it isn't a contest...

I think that maybe she was 16 or so in this photo...

Isn't she beautiful?  I love her hand-writing... she had the most fluid penmanship... I am not sure of the history of this photo, but to whomever she gave it to, she gave the photo affectionately... she said so...

I hope its not necessary to tell you how many times 

I've cried while making this post...

Here is another... I don't know which of the two photos above came first... but I have memories of Mom holding her hands and her purse just like she is in this photo...  This was taken on Hwy 1 North going towards Grayville, ILL... just north of Carmi, Illinois... 


I sent "GirlShoes" a photo of 'Memom' a while back and she called me immediately... "Dad!! You look just LIKE 'Memom!!!'


That is reassuring to me... to know that I am carrying her forward with me into the next stages of my Life...

This is my memory of how Mom looked...

I like to think that I got my soft-hearted demeanor from her...

This is my Mom in the latter years of her Life... It was made before she got sick... Mom developed Pulmonary Fibrosis...  I remember when my sister took Mom to a specialist... in a private moment, my sister told me that the doctor said it would be about six months... I was thinking, 'Hell... that's not bad... Mom will be up and around before you know it...'  


... and Sister said, 'No... she's not going to get better... that is how long the doctor believes she has left to live...'


I experienced some nonsense in the year that my Dad died and I got divorced, but I don't think I have ever been shaken  as badly as I was by this news...


In going through some papers and all yesterday, trying to compile what all I needed for this post, I found a 'year book' that Mom kept by her bedside during her illness... In January, she would write about how much better she was feeling on some days... that she looked forward to getting up and going again... that she wanted to work in her flower beds...


... and at some point, she wrote about how fortunate she was if she was able to spend an hour or so in her rocking chair...


... and somewhere in September of that year, she stopped writing...


My birthday is on November 10th... and that year, Mom gave me a birthday card wishing me a 'Happy Birthday'... I read it and hugged her... thanked her... told her I loved her... and later told my then-wife that Mom dated my birthday card November 17th... a week later...


 It is a great consolation to me is that the night before she died,  when I was at the house, she sat up and bed and extended her arms to her Mother... calling her by name... I guess that even at the end of our lives, we are wanting our Moms... we want to be with the ones that were there when we were born...

and early on Saturday, November 17th... she died... 

... and She was gone...

_______________

Late last evening, I went to the cemetery to leave some flowers... and decided to drive up to where my former-mother-in-law is buried... I liked her... she liked me up until the end of the marriage...


When I entered the drive, I saw my ex's vehicle close to the grave site... I parked and walked over to her... and she was crying... I guess Mother's Days when one's Mom is gone can be a rather rough day...  She asked me to look at a note that 'BoyShoes' had left on her headstone... He had written her a letter... and translated it into German... and left it for her... I guess she was touched that Chris would be so caring... but he is a caring boy...


She told me that she was going to drive down to NOLA to see 'GirlShoes'... and that she needed to get her tag on her car renewed... that she just hadn't had the money to do it... and I asked, "Do you have the money to do this now?"  She replied, "No..."  I gave her $200.00 and told her she could pay me back whenever...

I don't know why I do some of the stupid stuff that I do...

I guess I got it from my Mom...

I love you, Mom...

I miss you...

Each and every day...

____________

~Shoes~