"Boo..."

Sa-Winnngggg, 

Battah Battah Battah...

Sa-Winnngggg - Gah!!!!!

So I teach at Alluvial Flood Plain State University...

During the spring of each year, I claim to hold office hours on the third base side of the diamond at the baseball field.  We have a good team most years.

One of the reasons we have had such a great baseball program for a D-II school was because of our former coach... Dave "Boo" Ferriss...

He was from a small place just a few miles south of here... quite talented...   he was the first baseball player to receive a full scholarship at Mississippi State... he was that good.

He could effectively throw with either hand.  He would pitch right handed on pitching days... and then play first base left-handed on the off-pitching day.

He made it to the big leagues... and played for the Boston Red Sox....  My recollection is that he won his first 8 starts his rookie year... and won 21 games that season...and was named 'Rookie of the Year.' 

He told me the story of a game he was pitching when he heard and felt something snap in his arm during one start.  He said he continued throwing... but that he was never the same.  This day and age, there is a surgical process for it... but not then.

Boston Red Sox... Dave "Boo" Ferriss, Tex Hughson,  

Mickey Harris and Jim Bagby sitting on the tarp at 

Fenway Park during the 1946 World Series.

One of his more well-known people that wanted to play here at Alluvial Flood Plain State was John Grisham (yes... that one... the author).  As the story goes, it seems that Grisham couldn't hit curve balls... and Coach Ferriss told him that as soon as the opposing pitchers became aware of that fact... well things weren't going to be easy... and that maybe he should pursue some other endeavor.  At a fund raiser several years ago, Grisham told this story... and Boo later commented that had he let this guy make the team... that we would have a domed stadium here today...

Boo always made the games... but didn't make as many this past season... he greeted everyone as a long lost friend.  He was truly one of the nicest men I've ever known...

I guess it was Boo's turn to pitch this past Thursday... Thanksgiving Day...  he died that morning.  You can read his obituary HERE.

There is so much that can be said about his Life... who he was... and what he meant to this community... I will miss seeing him in the stands this spring.

One of my favorite baseball movies is 'Field of Dreams'... especially the part where Moonlight Graham has to 'go home'...

This is the way I like to think of his passing...

You were good...

~shoes~

"Baseball..."

Was My Salvation...

Maybe...

If you've ever been in one of my classes... and remained awake... you  have probably heard this story.  I enjoy telling it.

It's about my one ill-fated attempt to play baseball... I was a kid and decided one year... I wanna play baseball... and I got assigned to a team.  It was fun!  I went to practice... chased fly balls... and ground balls... and foul balls... and every now and then, maybe I got some batting practice in.

Our uniforms were cool as well.  All cotton with button front jerseys... like the real major league players wore...  Not t-shirts and stuff like what the kids today wear.

I didn't get to play a great deal. I can count the number of times I got to play on one hand. If I got to play in the field in the top of the fourth inning, that was one time... If I got to bat in the bottom of the fourth inning, that was another time.

So it wasn't a great deal of playing time.  I soon came to realize that even though I was going to every practice, those who didn't come to practice got all of the playing time.

Anyway... I played my two or three years... went on to bigger and better things (I suppose). I eventually got married and then bought a house.

Guess who my insurance agent was?  

Yep... you got it... 

Coach.

Buying a house and pretending to be an adult is pretty time consuming... I just thought to myself that when the policy came up for renewal, I would move it to another company.

Eventually, the notice did come and I did change it to another agent that I knew.  In about the time it takes for the paperwork to make its way to the agent, I get a phone call...

Ring Ring Ring

Me:  Hello...

Coach:  Hey Hey Big Jim... (Coaches at that time seemed to call every player 'hey hey big whateveryournamewas.)

Me:  Hi...

Coach:  Big Jim... I see that you canceled your homeowners insurance with me...

Me:  Yessir, I did...

Coach:  Why??

Now... at this point, I tell my students about a great learning moment... 'Don't ever ask a question if you aren't willing to hear the answer.'

Me:   Because I went to baseball practice everyday... and chased fly balls, and ground balls and foul balls and stuff... and only got to play five ( 5 ) times... I never got to play.

Coach:  Oh, Big Jim... you were the best baseball player I had!!!

Me:  Koff Koff Bullshit

Coach:  Don't be that way, Big Jim...

Me:  I can't help it... I wanted to play baseball...

We hang up and that's the end of the conversation.

I would love to say that is the end of the story... but it isn't.

... a few weeks later, Coach died. He died. He died.

... and I would love to say that is the end of the story... but it isn't.

...because a short time later, I have a dream... and it's Coach... and he's crying... begging for forgiveness...'Please forgive me... Please forgive me, Big Jim...'

Of course, i wanted to play baseball so I told him "no"...

And  that was that.

I've thought about that dream over time... trying to figure it out.  I wondered if, on the 'Scale of Life,' that one event was a fly in the ointment.  Was I causing Coach to remain in some Purgatory-Like Realm... or in Limbo??

I dunno...

Anyway...

At this point, I tell my students about an equally important lesson wrapped up in this story.  'If you ever coach kids, they ALL get to play!!! All of them!! Alot!!!!

That kid might just be what keeps you from moving on to a Better Place when ones time is finished here.  

Just in case this might be the case, I am thinking about performing a small ritual in class one day... just let Coach go...

Fast Forward 50 years later...

So, I fall off this stupid fukken ladder...

It's been a nightmare... 

Headaches from Hell...  

I've been told by several doctors that I am fortunate I didn't kill myself.

I go to see a new doctor last week...

He comes in... he's looking at his papers... 

He says...

"I know you!!!"

''You Were My Baseball Coach!!!!!"

Oh Shit... I thought.

I'm SO screwed!!!!

I did notice a big big smile across his face...

I asked...

"Did you have fun playing Baseball???"

His reply was a big

YES!!!!!!

I do think I've dodged a bullet.

Thank God...

~shoes~

"Now... Why Don't He Write?"

'Dances With Wolves...'

Or...

"The reports of my death
have been greatly exaggerated."

~Mark Twain~

I got to looking at my blog... 

and saw that I hadn't posted anything in some time.

I am still alive... I am still kicking...

At times, I still really feel bad.

The headaches can be monsters.

There have been some spells where 
things have been much better...

and then there are times when they aren't.

Of the different drugs and such I have tried,

good ol' Tylenol and Alleve seem to work the best.

I found this diagram that explained a great deal to me...

It is rather obvious... it explains what 
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

has in common with Traumatic Brain Injury.

Each has its own unique symptoms and issues, but there are some that are shared by the two.  Of the ones unique to Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), the headaches are and have been the worst.  Sometimes, they have just been horrible.

There have been dizzy spells that have just been downright embarrassing... but I just tell me that at my age, we do slip... stumble... misstep. I've had many many spells of nausea... but have only gotten sick to my stomach once... but it was bad.

One spell happened while I was in the kitchen... after finishing, I just leaned over and rested my head on my arms... and the next thing I knew, I was coming to on the floor.  I have no memory of falling... and some kitchen items were on top of me... so I must have hit the wall pretty hard in order to have knocked them off the wall.

At times, I have trouble with noise... but that is one that seems to have gotten better since the fall.

For the shared symptoms, those are the ones that I still deal with the most.  Irritable... I am horrible.  I've had to apologize to people at work... I've had to apologize to students... I have had to apologize to friends...  there is no explanation for it... I just 'lose it.'

There is one high school friend that I cross paths with from time to time... she gets so upset with me because I can't remember her name... but I don't... and I can't recognize her. I went to the grocery one evening before coming home... and I saw so many people who came up to talk to me... I have no idea who they were. None...  Im sure that goes to cognitive disorders... I struggle with enunciation of words...  in my afternoon class today, one word... I just couldn't say it right... it frustrated me...

I repeated it over and over and over until I got it right.  It reminded me of Dustin Hoffman in 'Rain Man'... when he would repeat words over and over.

I struggle when I run into people that I know... and I should introduce someone... but the truth of the matter is that I can't recall the name of the individual that I have met.

Embarrassing.... so embarrassing...

I don't have insomnia issues... I get a sleep... but don't feel rested when I wake up.  When I fall asleep, it's as if a switch gets flipped off... and I just go dormant... until I wake up.

I've been teaching for a long time... way too many years... at the end of the day, I am worn out.  Lately, it's as if I have to work so hard... concentrate so hard... to make it through the day... it seems to take so much energy.  When I get home... I just crash. I go to bed and just sleep... wake up... and then go back to bed.

The information in this table is 10 years old, but scary all the same.  Two doctors have told me that I was lucky that I didn't die from the fall.  For that split second when I hit the floor, I knew it wasn't good.

But, when push comes to shove, I was a dumbass... 

I stopped paying attention...

I'm fortunate to be alive...

This has been one of the most difficult 

things I have ever had to go through.

Even though I am old...

This is the first time I have ever felt old.

~shoes~

~Post Script~

This thing has been in draft form forever... I would log in from time to time... add some things... but never post it.  The semester has ended... last week was the end of classes... this week is final exams and commencement.  I'm taking a break from grading and calculating scores and grades.  I am inundated with

"I need to make a..."

kinds of bullshit the past few days.  I've told them the whole fucking semester to not wait until the last moment... I've asked them to come and see me... 

All they want are 'welfare' grades... 'give me give me give me...'

Some little darlin' with a 42 average wants to do extra work.  

People in Hell want ice water...

Anyway... maybe it won't be another 5 or so months before I post again...

I used to enjoy writing...

Steenkin' New Year's Resolutions...

Happy New Year to all of you...

I can't believe that 

2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 

2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014

2015

is gone.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'...

Into the future...

What is it about the past that we each remember so?

Are the memories of good and wonderful things?

... or do we remain haunted by what went amiss?

... things that just didn't turn out the way we wanted?

Is there some form of 'Pre-destination' 

that we follow through Life???

Or, are our Lives and our ultimate ends/destinations 

more determined by Karma??

Are the events that we experience directly related

to how we have lived our lives and treated others?

Is there really a difference between the two?

I wonder why I selected 'Calvin and Hobbes'cartoons for a post that asks rather serious questions?

What makes a good cartoon be a 'good cartoon?'

I always have enjoyed the messages from comic strips like 'Calvin and Hobbes,' or 'The Far Side'...  Some of the creators of such strips have such a wonderful insight into the  psyches of our souls, it seems. They seem to capture those fleeting moments and thoughts that we have all experienced...

A counselor that I was seeing after the death of my Dad and during my divorce suggested that I hide a great deal of hurt and pain behind humor... I do suppose that there is a great deal of truth to such a statement.

I fear that my direction has been determined

by the method indicated in the cartoon above...

... that I have just let things happen and I've drifted along with the flow.

Like clouds in the sky...

Like a limb in the river...

Like a fart in a whirl wind...

2016 is going to be a year of change for me.

I will teach one more year.

And then what?

I have no idea.

__________

2015 was a bizarre year for me...

On September 13, 

I fell off a ladder while painting my hallway at home, 

and suffered one Hell of a concussion.

I wrote about this HERE.

On September 14,

we had a shooting on campus that received national 

news coverage.  

I wrote about this event HERE.

The fall/concussion has been life-changing for me.

I am more irritable... I am more cranky.

My head hurts constantly, it seems.

Somedays are better than others... 

and then some days are Hell.

My performance in the classroom suffered this year... 

I put a formula on the board one day...

 the mid-point formula for calculating 

the coefficient of elasticity for demand...

... and when I stepped away to discuss/explain the formula,

I turned to start explaining the way the formula was constructed...

and it made absolutely no sense to me.

I had no idea what it was I was seeing.I kept waiting 

for it to make sense but it just wouldn't come into order.

I also have what I call a 'silent stutter' from time to time...

I will be talking and I suddenly just stop... 

and it's like I've hit a 'pause' button...

... and then it starts back again...

One night, I was at the kitchen sink... and became ill...

what a great place to get sick to my stomach...

I mean there was a garbage disposal.

... but the next thing I know, I am coming to while lying 

flat on my back on the kitchen floor.

I have no idea when I passed out, or falling... or hitting the floor.

I had worried about what if my head hit the floor again?

Ugh...

CT-scans tend to show everything is 'ok'... 

but as the doctor told me, just because the scans 

are coming back ok, it doesn't mean that there isn't a problem.

On a non-personal note,

my son, who recently moved to New Orleans,

was walking home from work a couple of days after Christmas...

had a couple of thugs come up behind him...

put a pistol to his head... and rob him at gunpoint.

Crime is out of control in New Orleans...

I'm so fortunate they didn't shoot my son.

I don't know what I would have done...

So... what's ahead for us in

2016?

I love these guys...

Happy New Year!!!

~shoes~